blessed.

i am blessed.

cherish times with those you love.
i'm excited to see what these next few weeks will be like.

hehe.

i'll post later on our eastcoast trip,
it's been so fun, relaxing, eye-opening.
wheeee.

can't think straight.

i'm wondering... who i'm becoming in relation to the friends that i've always held onto so tightly as my best friends.

sometimes i get scared when things start to change.
i don't know how to handle it because i don't know what to expect, or i just dwell on my past.
it's weird seeing people change too. you think that your best friends will always be the same, but i see change in her, and it scares me! but maybe i changed too though in her eyes... i'm sure she sees change and thinks back to our good days in junior high/high school. growing up is hard (-.-)

a lot of things are changing,
a lot of things will be changing,
it's beginning to scare me.

but... like it says in 1 john 4, there is no fear in love.
hold onto that clara, there is no fear. and like Kim Walker's song... remember that you don't have to fear anything, because His love makes it worth it all.

i'm finding that as these changes are taking place in my life i get caught up easily and neglect important lessons i've learned, important people, and the most important: God.
i was freaking out yesterday because of some things, including my global studies exam i had today... (my studying habits have gotten all jacked up lately) anyway, i'm working on fixing that... but i read Psalm 116... it was just good. "Praise the Lord." cuz even when i mess up, He is still faithful.

okay, 2 more finals left.
finish strong.

boston.
california.
korea.

here i come :) wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

it begins.

almost everyone is done finals, i've got 4 left :) today is my 2nd one ... the thurs,fri,sat (i die).

i need balance in my life.
i get caught up so easily.
don't know what to do...

i say i want to love God and put him first,
but its so easy to put the things He has put in my life before Him.
like i said... balance , prioritizing , having self-control and saying 'no' to invites to hangout ... i suck.

"For God did not give up a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
- 2 timothy 1:7

hm...
life is a bit crazy.
we can planplanplan all we want, and most of the time our plans don't work out so well, or other things happen instead. so hannah and i have been realizing its best to live without expectation (not in a way that you live passively and just be okay with anything) but kind of... live in the moment while being mindful of the future? make sense .... ? not really but oh well. to really trust God is so hard, i always fail at trusting him and so i take matters into my own hand. i don't know what i'm doing this summer, it scares me a bit!

okay study time...
i fail at studying -_-.

funny text message.

i was at the library today and hannah was on my phone and she said "i don't think mom knows how to text message, but she sent you a text. maybe it was sam"

the text said, "clara! study hard!"

i thought it was sam, because technology and my mom just don't mix well.
so i called her cell and she said she texted me and that she was on her way to work and learned how to text.

cute.

then hannah got a text message from mom, "i love you hana" hahha... not even hannah...

cute.

ahhhh. 1/5 finals done.
oh my gus.

day ? of studying.

i'm at dp.
this is the new spot to study.
i think i get work done while i'm here.
we'll see,

before studying i read something by john piper and turned to 2 corinthians 5:14-15
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

i was talking to a friend yesterday and he asked something like "i wonder how i'll be remembered..." and it made me think of this response: if we live only for ourselves, we won't be remembered because we won't have an impact on other people's lives. the things i do in my life, i hope i don't do them just to be remembered, but i guess im realizing more that i don't want to live only for myself. i think i'd just be miserable, or i'd keep trying to fill something inside of me that can't be filled by things that i just want to do. it gets tiring and i get burned out when i cater only to myself...

but its hard finding that balance... living for God (mixed with enjoying myself, my friends, family ... life!?)

also we talked about who we are, haha not something i think about everyday. i'm not sure if i am defined by things i value or like - i really don't know. haha maybe i don't know who i a -_-

OTL

O = a head
T = arms
L = legs

it's a person kneeling (in defeat or frustration) my friend explained it to me yesterday, i'm a noob it took forever to figure out. okay... time to study.

-- lots of hanging out with cool people this easter weekend --

hanging out at jono's house - after soccer+football. i was so sore the next day.

crepe morning.

new friend dien!

okay bye. study.
"can you please stop discussing" we got owned at the library yesterday.

"I am the resurrection"

Happy Easter.
Today in church my dad asked us to think a lot about death.
I try as much as possible to avoid such thoughts. I've never had anyone close to my pass away. I have no idea what it feels like to lose a loved one. I'm pretty blessed to have all my family and friends alive and well.

John 11:25-26 -- Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?

But he said something that made me think, "we taste death everyday." It's true, each day... we're slowly dying. Death is inevitable... it'll come some day, sooner or later. These days I've been living in the moment -- not thinking about the future, or anything long-term. Finding that balance is difficult though, because at the time when all is well, and you're satisfied, the future isn't what is usually on our minds, not mine at least.

I should think about the future though, with a balance of "living in the now" (Wayne's World) haha. It'll come ... that balance, I'm sure it will. Right now, I'm trying not to be frustrated or fearful with school/housing/money/boys - it'll all work out, just learn to trust.

day four of studying.

we came early to the library to study.
the past few days have not been productive.
i don't know what i'm doing :|

i read today in luke 22:42
Jesus said, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." i wish i could live a life of surrender.

it's passion week.
i've been trying to think about the cross, the lamb, the sacrifice - but being overwhelmed by studying/exams/distractions ... i feel pretty helpless.

studying for finals is nothing compared to what Jesus went through.

keep your head up clara,
a bit over than 2 weeks,
don't give up so easily.

day one of studying.

I told myself I'll hard-core study starting today. So I will. Soon.

This past week has really become crazy, when I am committed to something or have some sort of responsibility I will sacrifice sleep, food, sanity in order to get the job done. Good and bad things come from this.

But doing things for grad night (for LCCF) was worth it. I really am thankful for the friends I've made through the fellowship. I'm becoming more comfortable with the group and spending more time with them. It's like having a really big asian family as Laurier, haha it's fun. I love our year, I can't help it haha! We've become more close, especially through this video we made for the grads (I'll upload it on youtube or facebook) and yeah we're all pretty different but still worked together to get it done. holla first years !

These past few weeks I've found myself somewhat... getting lost? Or just losing touch with what who I thought I was, or what I was all about. I really miss my friends (Sarah, Aug, Albert, John, Hannah lives with me but I'll miss her too) and can't wait for California. I've realized our group is really close but I know I am a bit distant from everyone throughout the year. I don't really know how to change that or maybe its just the way things are. Regardless, I love them, miss them and can't wait to see them in a few weeks right before I leave for Korea.

I've also found it hard to balance my life. My priorities are a bit jumbled up these days and I'm hoping to sort them out soon... (meaning like this week!) just to be a better friend, better daughter, better sister ... better person. I get caught up easily, and neglect those who really care for me and love me.

There's a couple of days until lent is over. Fasting meat and coffee and dramas - I admit, it's been hard, but I still couldn't give up things like gchat/facebook (i don't think i spend too much time on them these days so i think its okay) but anyway, I've just been wanting to think about the cross these next few days. Was it enough? Yes, it was... Misty Edwards said something like, "I just press on. Say no to shame. Say no to fear." Not the exact quote, but it's been helping me not to dwell on my mistakes, and to just press on, move on ...

Overall, I'm happy and am hoping I'll survive these next few weeks.
April 25th seems far away. But first year of university is almost over.
I was talking with some of the girls from fellowship. First year: exceeded my expectations, because I didn't know what to expect. But I'm definitely happy with my first year, it was a good year... couldn't have asked for more.

--- pictures from grad night ---


happy birthday tom! (+ housemates for next year)


first years and grads


the whole fellowship.

okay now i'll go be miserable and study. hehe kidding.