new years eve.

its new years eve,

doesnt feel like it.

going to ydc soon in a few hours

praying for:

- vision

- focus

- key verse

- renewal

:)

merry christmas

merry christmas :)

just been chilling in the movie theatre with my brother.

he is sewing a plush doll cuz he saw me making them.

hes too cute.

still a little boy, following the things i do.

so yeah christmas without hans is weird!

but yeah, this break is pretty chill...

i like it :)

thank Jesus for giving me the gift of His love, for giving me life.

without Him i'm lost and i fail!

this semester was grace. seriously, i shouldve done badly in everything, but somehow God just brought me through. its crazy, i dont deserve it.

Christmas dinner/party tonight, i wanna play games and do karaoke hehe!

i need financial help. badly.

PTL

PTL for my RE321 exam (and the class overall)

i was pretty much in shock yesterday, didn't think i did that well just thought the final was alright,

but dang... i duno how it happened. im humbled.

TIME TO RIP UP cp102 and gs232!

cant wait for break, i just want to relax, bake, see friends and hangout with the fam. thas alllllll~

why did i stress.

today was a funny day,

i woke up at 8 to drive a friend to st.jacobs.

(i'm going to make more of an effort to go to the market on weekends for food)

then we went grocery shopping for a bit.

i came home to realize i had 1 hour to make lunch for the first years..

(i committed to this last week, so i had to go through with my brilliant idea of making spinach chicken lasagna)

as i was making yams and lasagna at the same time... i forgot to add water to the lasagna before i put it in the oven, so the top layer was all hard and failed :(

(at this point i was stressing because cheese and sauce were everywhere and i was making 2 dishes simultaneously)

i was running out of time and was freaking out because the lasagna wasn't working. my housemate suggested adding water... (yay vicky)

(i began to realize i stress really easily, i dont know why!)

I need to relax.

Breathe.

And realize mistakes are okay, cuz next time my lasagna is going to be AMAZING :D

--

One final is done...

Two more to go!

I can't wait for break... i want to learn flash, work on some art competitions i want to enter in the new year, research cameras and flights (can't believe the year is almost over!)

(i miss my sister.... more and more these days)

this winter break

still have 3 finals to go/ but im beginning to think of what i want to do this break:

- plan for uganda

- ikea trip

- snowboarding

- toledo

- ydc

- haircut

- clean room

- spend time with family

:) break come soon. please.

let's go.

alright, too much playing... haha

time to get serious!

exams on:

- 10 (take home final GS221)

- 11 (RE 321- Gandhi)

- 15 (CP 102- Computing)

- 16 (GS 232- Peace&Conflict)

THEN I AM DONE WHAT UP!

last week was quite wonderful hehe, somi came up!

it was good times :) i realized, that our triple bond (AC, SY, CY) = inseparable.

sci-ball pictures...

fun :)

up and down

it's always like this,

up and down ...

just want this year to be over with.

i'd like a new year,

a new start.

going to get indian food today,

friggen love naan bread. haha

i miss my sister, my best friends,

this semesters been so weird, i cant even describe it.

but what im thankful for is my family, my parents are really the best,

and the girls i live with - i love them

and the friends who have stood by me.

its hard to hear God's voice these days,

maybe im intentionally not listening ... i have a lot to learn,

a lot of growing up to do.

this blog entry was -.-

november already?

what the hecks,

its november.

already half of the semester is done!

its been over 2 months since i've been back from korea,

i skyped with hannah this morning and seeing my relatives and the background of their house... made me sad -_-;; i miss it !

im trying to figure out what is going on with a couple of things in my life...

- things with God

- things with myself

- things with friends

- things with the namj

- things with Uganda / next year plans

i feel like i havent done much this semester,

there were great hopes for this fall...

im not quite sure what has happened. but still,

some good times with friends + family ~

i want to do something more exciting these days.

tired of the mundane things in life...

---

p.s. writing a paper on travel and tourism is making me think a lot... on how host countries are affected and transformed because of the invasion of tourists and the practices that come with the industry. hm... yes its interesting. tourists are bothersome, yet basically everyone from the West is a tourist when they travel. what can we do?!

i feel like im getting sick, frick

dont wanna be sick for this month

no more studying

just writing some papers

SO I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND NOT BE SICK, pleaseeee.

<3clara.

뭐야....

여름 진짜 그리워해...

자꾸 up and down 하고있어.
힘들지만, 힘내!

--- that was written in class... in my gandhi class ---

NOW. after women's cell... we talked about godly characteristics
and im glad i went and talked with the girls cuz helped me kind of clear my mind after kind of a blehhhhhhh day.

we thought of a challenge. its a secret though haha!!
it'll be a good and different week... i think. just have to do it.

a month

a months went by, haha i've been very confused and lost...

BUT. im thankful for those who were real with me, kept me acconuntable, those who PRAYED for me, seriously i am blessed.

theres a lot ive been realizing these days, i dont think i can sum it up in this blog so i wont.

i duno, being back over a month now i think its time to suck it up, get my life together, be more responsible and yeah...

so im figuring out things in many aspects of my life: relationships, serving in ministries, being a leader, school, going to uganda possibly next summer, and maybe studying abroad in europe... lots to think about and figure out.

trust

i say i want to trust God,
but i don't think i've tried quite yet...

how have these 3 weeks gone by so fast? korea seems sooo far away, i don't even realize i was there for 3.5 months. i miss it, but life is moving and i can't dwell on the past.

hm. need to be healthy this semester.

- i don't cook
- i don't sleep
- i don't study
- i don't exercise

fail! haha... i need to get my life together shingam.
hopefully this will be a better week.

its been a week

so being home after a week is good.

havent been able to really relax, unpack, reflect because we've been moving non-stop.

classes start in a week, ahhh. don't even know what my schedules going to exactly be like yet, because i havent confirmed my classes yet... gahhhhh don wanna goooo.

i'll have to post up pictures soon. havent been able to put up HK or the rest of Korean pictures on facebook yet.

lets just begin the fall.

do it!

akshdfkahsdfaksjhfashdf.

i want to start sewing again.

home.

omgus.

im home.

hm....

duno what to say: i miss korea ㅠ.

so much change 아아아.

i'm jetlagged.

moving is crazy.

ye.

2wo.

two days.

well, i leave sunday at 5... but basically that day is wake up, church, go to airport.

i'll miss korea a lot.

i wish i could be here for the fall, i hear korea is beautiful in the fall...

가을 보고싶다...

went to a sky lounge on the 40th floor ... of some building with somi and her family,

너무 좋왔어~ we had like a course meal, and it was just really nice. i was dressed too casual though, it looked like a place where a drama could be filmed and something big happens like a proposal or breakup. ha!

and then we went to noraebang. i'll miss it... hahahahha, "she's gone...." is the best NRB song in the world. my throat still kinda hurts.

there's a lot i did in korea, but also a lot that i didn't get to to. but its okay, the main things i wanted to do, i did and overall it was seriously an amazing summer. now im writing my korea testimony, meeting some people for the last time and basically yeah getting ready to go home.

no more cell phone, so i'm going to see how it'll be for 2 days not having a phone, omgus! hahahah shooooo

okay this entry is kinda pointless, i gotta pack! and write!

5ive

home in 5.

i baked peanut butter cookies today.

peanut butter is expensive in korea... about $7 for a tiny thing of PB. whaaaaa

my cookies turned out pretty good. hehe, im proud of myself,

i wanted to bake so i could give cookies to my students/shinchon ubf/family something before i left...

its already the end of august/ where did all that time go... what did i DO!

its been an amazing summer.

hard.

but good.

i learned so much, but at the same time now im excited to go home.

so many challenges/things to face..... i dont want to.

ah my brain is all over the place

so ill post maybe 1 more time before i go home, but for now i got lots to do before i leave ahhhh!

thank God for being so good, ye.

will change this layout soon

ew uglyyy.

6 more days in korea.

wanna go, yet i dont wanna go.

fear and worry is what makes me want to stay here.

too much to face in the fall back at home..

도망가자. ㅋㅋ

1.5 weeks left

whoa. i'm going home next week!

hong kong was sweet. i wish i could've stayed longer, but it's okay :)

one verse that i'm holding onto

john 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."

yeeeee~

hk pics:

busy busy busy.

things are good.

so much to write, no time. when i'm home.

august 30.. come quick!

but at the same time, i dont want to leave.... -.-

한국!

렌덤~~~

random hehe.

i am sitting in my room, just hanging out :)

listening to hillsong, writing some emails and going to shower soon.

met up with aug yesterday at hanyang, good thing its only like 20 min away!

it was good talking, we went to Tom n Tom's cafe? man.. GREEN TEA FOR 4000 WON (thats like $4 for green tea) i cried inside ㅜ.ㅜ

today: GOING BOWLING, FINALLLLLLLY AHHHHH

okay. this is a very random post, here's some picture ^^

cutest baby: eun-suh

these are funny. (test messenger ... fail)

reallly good pasta i had yesterday.

yebon; we wrote messages to each other

i love these colorpens she has, theyre not pencil crayons, theyre not pastels, theyre weird!! im going to buy some

"hans" / expensive green tea -.-

okay byeee~

google reader.

i haven't read the news for almost 2 months.
shame...

i used to read the news all the time and knew at least the major headlines.
what happened?

SO, i've been told about google reader; google is amazing hehe.

I read in the globe and mail about the G8 summit, and how British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said in an interview, "I am determined that a recession is not an excuse to give up on the poor. A recession is when your duty to the poor is even more clear." Amen brotha.

It doesn't feel like we're going through a recession right now,

maybe we're all in denial;

maybe we're spending less;

but the poor remain the same, or maybe worse off?

In Seoul, i volunteer at an afterschool program (돌산 공부방시역아동센터) and the kids don't appear poor - but you can tell they've been raised differently than other Korean kids i've interacted with. It's going to be interesting volunteering there, the first day was quite overwhelming, but the kids i'm working with are cute - 2 girls in 2nd grade - and some of the older kids ask me "are you korean? how come you can't speak korean? so are your parents korean then?" and they also make fun of my name (윤클라라) "kuhl-la-la" ... sounds ugly.

july 8th already, crazy.

less than 2 months left then i'm back home.

i do like korea though... but i don't think i'd want to stay longer.

but i've been blessed a lot so far, and am excited for the remaining 2 months.

(EEK. harry potter comes out soon!)

gwangju~

got back from gwangju a few days ago with the 2nd gens...

g o o d t i m e s.

especially singing/dancing/talking with my cousin hehren, love that girl.

i am so thankful for UBF, my familia, and friends.

i realize more each day how blessed i am ^^

the trip helped me see the history behind UBF and how far the ministry has come after almost 50 years. also through life testimony sharing (something i had neglected doing for a while now) ... i finally wrote a first draft and shared it with the other 2nd gens. with courage i shared my struggles and the things God has done in my life, rather than running away from my past, i'm realizing how i can't be haunted by shame/guilt/my sins (Jesus has made me clean; with Him i have a new beginning)

things are getting more busy in korea,

teaching english about over 10 hours a week... (i actually enjoy it a lot), starting volunteering on mondays/thursdays this week for about 8 hours, i should be helping out more with summer bible conference preperations, and on top of that... seeing friends/family. -.- busyyyyyy...

but in the middle of all this craziness: God is good.

He provides and shows me how worrying, is useless and pointless.

im hoping to see some new things through volunteering at the afterschool program (i want God to rekindle my heart for the broken/poor/needy) these kids that come to this program come from broken/disadvantaged families, so i hope to be full of light and love~

here's some pictures from gwangju hehe:

my parents on a missionary board at jongno center. hahaha my dad's smile

me and hehren <3>

2nd gens at the first ubf center / me, sarah, helen :)

we were hanging out in the rose garden at chosun university / helen being cool

rose garden/ it rained -__-

falling asleep... tsk tsk./mountains are beautiful

my favourite

okay gonna sleep early for once. goodnight.

what to do.

so it's been a bit over a month since i've been in korea.

why am i here?

i ask myself sometimes and answer: i don't know...

not the greatest response to an important question, but as one month as passed... i think its been a meaningful time so far, for the most part.

patience: i have learned to become patient... somewhat. teaching english, living with a friend for 3 weeks, communicating with language barriers - all these things would make trigger my impatience, but i've learned to just take things as they come and stay calm... it's all worked out for the good so far.

perseverance: the one message i heard 2 weeks into coming to korea at the english fellowship at yonsei, reallllllly encouraged me. when i feel like giving up or wanting to get frustrated over teaching, money, things back at home i remember to persevere... as hard as things get, i'm on a race... i'm growing as a person, i'm growing in Christ, i'm persevering because Jesus endured through so much more, so i know i can also.

purpose: my purpose here... still figuring it out. sometimes a day goes by and i'm like what the heck, i did nothing productive with my day. me and a few friends yesterday were in 신촌 & 이대 area *shinchon & idae* and... we ate and sat outside a convenience store eating snacks and talking. i realized im too lazy to go and explore. maybe next week i'll go out in the morning after QT+prayer... find some cool cafes or art galleries so i can begin to landmark places i like going around in seoul. i ONLY stay around yonsei and shinchon... and sometimes idae. i need to get out and explore and see this city. there's shopping, food, entertainment everywhere... but there's also areas that "tourists" don't go to, and im not a tourist so i want to see the city - beautiful and broken. koreans tend to put on a good exterior image, and the city is fairly clean, infrastructure is advanced, most people are dressed nicely; the poor/homeless/hurting are hidden well.

my idea of volunteering has kind of flopped the first month i've been here. i have about 2 months left... (i go back august 30) so this week also... another goal is to find a place to volunteer at (whether its a school, orphanage, wherever... i want to do something more productive with my time rather than just playing.) after a while... the sticker pictures, paht-bingsoo, dduk-boggi and shopping seems all the same. it gets tiring, and money just seems to go so fast.

yesterday i went to the rooftop of the apartment i'm staying at:

what a view... there were more pictures, but my battery was dying and i havent been able to edit many. but it was really peaceful up there, i wrote in my journal and just looked at the city... one view is of the mountains... its killer, seriously the sun was setting behind these rocky mountains that are kinda far but theyre my favourite ones that i can see around here.

there's so much i want to do, and yet i think i need to figure out things that are necessary, reasonable and unnecessary.

OH. and today's morning english class was by far the funniest.

i teach the 사모님's at the church (kinda.. older women? theyre not that old but... yeah)

so one was reading her journal entry and she was asking what is "ggochu" in english hahaha i'm like... uhm, we don't really say that word.. we have other ways of saying it. and she was like "ah! pepper" cuz koreans like are open and free to talk about their kids.. private parts ahahha, it was a funny class.

then someone else asked me, "i heard this ... what does it mean? ... fed-ex" i'm like.. that's a mailing company, and she was like.. "someone was calling someone.. fed-ex..." so i guessed, "fat-ass?" hahahhaha, and they were asking me how to say like bum, butt, poo, pee (cuz the one wrote a journal entry about her baby son and how he pooed and there were no extra diapers... anyway). (-_-) such a strange class when i have to answer their questions.

2 months left. whaaasaheck.

wish.

my 서원: dslr

근대 돈없어

ㅠ.ㅠ

work hard, and we'll see~

it's reallllllly hot in korea, not nice at all.

i want to go jump in a pool!

바이바이.

okay.

because of Jesus, even though i am weak ... i am strong.

because of Jesus, even though i want to give up ... i endure.

because of Jesus, even though things get hard ... i know i can persevere.

my patience levels are waivering, but i'm learning through being here what it means to be in full surrender. having little direction and no definite plans, life is quite different than i'm used to. planning and hoping things will go my way is how i've lived for the majority of my life. when i don't feel like being warm and welcoming, selfishness becomes the ugly in me. there's a lot i don't feel like doing while i'm here. or i had hoped things were a bit different, but there's no use in that.

not always hearing from people back at home... is a struggle.

but those who do keep in touch i appreciate, especially my dad.

he emails, calls on skype, sends pictures - i held onto a lot of grude growing up towards him. but i know as one who also has made mistakes that my Heavenly Father has let go of such things... so i should be able to as well. and i think i am realizing through Jesus i can. i tell him my struggles and prayer and praise topics, something i would never have done before. (사랑해 아빠~)

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

even though i don't always hear from friends, i know we're all in the places we are for a reason. personal growth and time with different kinds of people in different kinds of environment --- it's all for a reason, so i'm holding onto that. [ t r u s t ] that they are always there, even if not in the physical, friendships don't go on pause just because of time/distance ( r i g h t ? ! ) i hope so... haha nah, i know so [ c: ]

picture time ~

made pottery (like in boys over flowers ... )

my mug will be ready in 1 month ^^

hong-dae area ... i loveee it, need to go back!

i bought a cheap camera. i hope the pictures turn out cooooool.

i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sticker pictures. no joke.

this is cool?

okay. im tired.

doing something crazy tomorrow heh heh heh... us girls are BRAVE <3

힘들어.

힘들 지만, 난 할쑤있어.

예수님의 힘으로 인니까... 할쑤있어.

화이팅 클라라~~

thank you

:)

i am 19... i don't feel any different.
older? not really...
more mature? not really...
wiser? ... no

but one thing i realized today: HOW blessed i am.
all the friends i have who made my birthday special, i overlook the small things but...
- somi and her mom bought me a really nice cake
- i read ALL the notes from friends back at home (ThankYou x 121203812038120831273)
- i got a cute e-card from my dad
- video chatted with the group (thanks again you guys)
- talked with nard :) thank you for your broken korean birthday song
- hungout with seoul friends (dinner, nrb, 술집 + games)

im SO blessed...
everyone who's in my life who is important to me (they wished me a happy birthday) and
i am blessed by God too have amazing family/friends who are always there...

i miss everyone back at home , but am still having a good time here in korea :)


yay cake ~

yay group of six (not fab5...!!)

yay, birthday in seoul ~~

breakthrough.

it's not a coincidence that i read joel 1:14-15 yesterday:

¹⁴ Declare a holy fast; call a sacred assembly. Summon the elders and all who live in the land to the house of the LORD your God, and cry out to the LORD. ¹⁵ Alas for that day! For the day of the LORD is near; it will come like destruction from the Almighty.

because later at night i went to a church with mary and her english fellowship at yonsei, because IHOP-KC came for a conference called "breakthrough 2009"

allen hood, the president of the Bible school in KC spoke. i remember him at one thing... he was really loud and powerful. a bit overwhelming, but yesterday it was good. he reminded me of things i knew, (on Jesus' coming, the church becoming ready, praying for the nations) but he also said, how angels worship God all day and all night... but when a third of the angels fell away... Jesus wasn't sent to die for angels, he was sent to die for us. that hit me. we limit ourselves to worshipping God, we limit ourselves to going to church on sundays (just barely) but there's always more we can do.

ive been doing Bible studies in Shinchon UBF with Hannah on John 9. Jesus heals the blind man. Jesus said while it is day we are to do the work of God. Jesus is the light of the world, so if Jesus is in our hearts, then we can always do the work of God. it is 'day' while we are on earth, so we can always be doing the work of God through everything we do.

(things are clicking for me now.. im connecting the dots of what i've been learning. God's timing is crazy)

so yesterday's worship was in korean. but it was crazy.
koreans are crazy. they pray ... like no other. people were dancing, laughing, speaking in tongues, weeping, physical manifestations of the Spirit.. yeah, it was haha a bit overwhelming, intense, but so good. this is what Heaven will be like, constant worship, cuz we were made by love, to love our Father.

my thoughts are all over the place. my notes were all over the place last night too, so i can't really describe what i'm thinking, but God is moving. He is stirring something up, and the Holy Spirit is just going to do some crazy things this summer. it's exciting because i'm beginning to see more clearly why i'm in korea. i want to pray for this nation, to be a leader in the prayer and worship movement -- but at the same time there's a lot of darkness... after we came back from the conference we got off a random subway stop because at 12:30am the subways stop running. GG. so we got a taxi. i felt like i was in a typical korean drama or movie... drunk people everywhere. it's just sad to see people so easily taken over and ruled by alcohol. drinking culture here is insane.

anyway, i'll update later... i have english class, prayer meeting, go to bookstore, then tutor, then meet up with some 2nd gens.


these pictures hahahah suck :P ill upload later on.
theresa and maria we be eating paht bing soo yay
then mary and i in the friggen taxi cuz the subways stopped!

okaye bye!

from carlos.

PRAISE THE LORD!
When you are sad or lonely --

PRAISE THE LORD!
When you are hungry --

PRAISE THE LORD!
When you lose someone you loved --


PRAISE THE LORD for everything that happens in your life whether good or bad ...
For the chains that seem to bind you, serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you when you praise Him!


and always remember that life is such a PRECIOUS and beautiful gift from God ...

When someone gives you a gift the correct thing to do is return the favor
So, make your life a shining example to others by glorifying God in everything that you do!
no matter what the circumstances PRAISE THE LORD!
and give yourself as a worthy gift to God.

yours in Spirit and truth
C.M Diaz
---------

I appreciate this note on facebook.
Praise the Lord! Even though I'm in Korea... it's supposed to be a fun place ; but at the same time I know I'm here for more than just 'fun' it sucks being away from my family and friends whom i love. I take them all for granted and when i don't hear from them i'm wondering what everyone is up to.

i need to learn to become independent.
i'm reliant on talking to my friends, i think God's training me to depend on Him.

i'm finishing up my reflection on yesterday's message, then i'm going to get a cell phone, then i'm going to center, then i'm going to a shopping center. okay bye.

(i like emails *ahem*) hehe

california post.

it's been a while since i've updated blogger.
i haven't had much to say so i didn't write.

but... california was bomb, so it definitely deserves a post.

so, california was sweet because its cali and it was the first time i flew with my best friends somewhere (other than going to europe with amanda). we didn't do a lot, instead we just ate... and ate... and ate:
- kimchee jji gae
- i had a bit of mexican food (we missed out on that)
- in-n-out
- frozen yogurt (my favorite)
- dduk-bo-sam
- soon-du-bu
- japanese noodles

i'm sure we had more but i can't really remember all that we ate.

so the first day we got there, we just had in-n-out, and went to stephen's house.
then we woke up really early to get to LA for Albert's graduation at USC.
there were so many people at the graduation, we were all hungry in the morning so we missed Arnold Swartzeneger's speech for ... burger king. so lame.

then we went to albert's ceremony, we were so loud... it was fun. after the graduation we took pictures for like 2 hours, it felt like that at least, and then we went to the KCM reception. after the reception ... i can't remember what we did. i think we hungout for a bit, then got yogurt and soon-du-bu.

day 2 - beeeeech. we were all excited to go to the beach, and by the time we got there, it was cloudy and a bit chilly. so since we couldn't swim, the boys thought it'd be fun to throw us in the water, when the plan was to get sam wet because it was his birthday. (fail) then we ate kimchee jjigae (so good) and then saw the orphanage (such a good movie).

day 3 - had church ... hung out, cut john's hair, ate dduk-bo-sam, pulled a prank on jake and his car, then went to noraebang. yay, that was fun -- then we went to LA. this was a crazy night also... we went to jack in the box at like 3or 4am, then came back to the apartment, then after eating john was hungry again, i was craving chicken nuggets so we went to carls jr + mcdonalds... 3 fast food restaurants in like 1 hr. so gross, haha but so good.

day 4 - attempt #2 at the beach. we went to bolsa chica beach, it was nice but SO WINDY. so we went back to LA.. had dongkas, and then went bowling, our team won, cuz of brian hwang. then we had boba. so good.

day 5 - j-town (noodles and air freshener), then we had yogurt, then we went to santa monica (soooooooo nice, my favorite part of the trip, just hanging out at the beeech).

overall, im glad we went. we laughed a lot, we talked a lot, just milked it a lot.
good times with good friends, always :)