don't give up.

⁷But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may GAIN Christ ⁹and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. ¹⁰I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

philippians.

powerful.

persevere.

(I have been battling with something inside of me for a while now. When it goes away one year, it comes back in some form or another. I am troubled by this. DEEPLY. I'm quite frankly tired of it, because the Kingdom of God is near... so why?! I have questions for God that I don't seem to really get answers from. These questions continue to trouble me and make my soul hurt.

BUT, REJOICE. Because I will PRESS ON. I will not give up, and I will believe that God is good and sovereign in all things - even when I don't understand and want to be discouraged.)

I will not live according to a human standard. Life is better than that.

ACTS 5:33-39.

³³When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. ³⁴But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. ³⁵Then he addressed them: "Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. ³⁶Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. ³⁷After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered.³⁸Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. ³⁹But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."

photograph.

a friend sent me this link

this picture caught my attention and it hurt to stare at it for a couple of seconds.

something as simple as w a t e r.

just believe.

Jesus said, "Don't be afraid; just believe."

Believe in what? (my dad asked this in his message today in service)

We've been thinking a lot about Haiti these days; it was already a devastated nation before the earthquake hit. Now it's even more devastated ... what to do, what to think?

I sometimes feel very helpless.

I want to do so many things, and really want to focus on one issue/problem where I could make an impact. Orphans, the poor and homeless, sex slaves, immigrants/refugees - I want to do something about all of these... but how?

Sometimes I wonder what I believe in (not necessarily in terms of my faith - God) but more so what do I believe about humanity, people, and this world. I become more troubled and conflicted when I read articles and hear the desires of people in the West who want to 'help' the developed world.

I guess this post is diverging from my original point about believing (and what Jesus said), but I'm finding myself becoming more frustrated with Western society and the notion of "us" and "them".

I'm not sure where I'm going with this anymore.

I'm just troubled -.-

2010.

its a new year!

i cant explain really what im feeling or what i expect... but here's some thoughts:

- 5-course load (its harder than i thought!)

- praying for growth in ubf + lccf

- joe and rebekah getting married!

- uganda mission trip (may 1 - jul 4)

- eastern prayer journey (august 15 - 30)

- isaac and jihan getting married!

- paul and lydia getting married!

(wow many people getting married)

- i'll finish 2nd year, and start 3rd year

that's it so far..

those are kind of events...?

personally im trying to just daily die to myself. i want to die each day so that Christ will live in me. i'm tired of living for myself and this world. im thankful at ydc i was able to receive renewal an hope for this year. i saw in 2009 the kind of life i dont want to live (a life for myself). it got messy and was meaningless at times. but overall 2009 was a good year, but i want 2010 to be even better.

everyday is a struggle. its a battle. but seeking God with all my heart and denying myself - it'll reap blessing and peace.

i dont know what i wanted to get at with this blog, but i wanted to write thoughts down as i was being bothered by some really inconsiderate people in the library. who makes out with their bf/gf in the friggen library...?! -.-

anyway, time for 2nd class of the day.

new years eve.

its new years eve,

doesnt feel like it.

going to ydc soon in a few hours

praying for:

- vision

- focus

- key verse

- renewal

:)

merry christmas

merry christmas :)

just been chilling in the movie theatre with my brother.

he is sewing a plush doll cuz he saw me making them.

hes too cute.

still a little boy, following the things i do.

so yeah christmas without hans is weird!

but yeah, this break is pretty chill...

i like it :)

thank Jesus for giving me the gift of His love, for giving me life.

without Him i'm lost and i fail!

this semester was grace. seriously, i shouldve done badly in everything, but somehow God just brought me through. its crazy, i dont deserve it.

Christmas dinner/party tonight, i wanna play games and do karaoke hehe!

i need financial help. badly.