off to kansas city

im off to kansas city in a few hours
well be driving the whole day and night... oh my gus. but i have some dramas and books that should make time pass... im going to finish Twilight, Irresistible Revolution and start a book by Max Lucado

this week went by so fast its so crazy... we just got back from toledo on monday night then... bam tuesday-friday zoomed by. i went snowboarding yesterday for the first time... ive found a new hobby i would like to pursue. it was mad fun -- but my butt, tailbone... actually my whole body is in pain right now but it was worth it

im not exactly sure what to expect from onething... but im sure theres something i can get from it as long as i keep my heart open. there was a part of me deciding whether i wanted to go to ydc and onething... but thats 2 conferences back to back... so i had to choose one.

being in toledo was good times. a laughed a lot and just everything that happened this past semester was kind of able to be forgotten... or at least put on hold. thats what usually happens, when we end up hanging out everything in life is still there but at the same time i just forget about it because were having such a good time. im not the kind of person who has to always be doing something but just the usual games, bowling, hanging out is enough for me. without these friends my life would be so different, and im so thankful to God that were able to still be close despite changes in our lives.

ahhh the new year is coming!!!

2008 is almost over

i officially fail at blogging.

maybe in 2009 i'll improve.

there's a few things i want to do in the upcoming year... only God knows if they'll actually happen or not, and i realized that i can hope for a lot of things, but in the end it doesn't matter what i want... there's more to life than that.

1. get a tattoo - i'm thinking agape in greek - ἀγάπη - that'd be a sick tattoo)

2. go to thailand or vietnam - i've read and heard stories of the slums in these two beautiful countries, its tragic how sex trafficking is such a big industry in countries like these. i don't want to go "volunteer" but i just want to see with my own eyes a country and people other than just korea/koreans

3. snowboarding at least once

4. bungee jumping

5. during spring break... go to one of those travel agencies and look at the cheapest flight and just go

6. read more... way more than i did this year (the Bible, Christian books, and other good books)

7. learn to trust God with school... money... housing... life... direction...

8. be more open to talking to people in classes - kick out the anti-social in me

9. spend less money on food - eating out adds up like crazy... i need a practical plan for next semester for real

10. i will add more to this list...

the year is almost over. i hope the year ends well, don't really know what to expect right now. putting hope in something that you're not sure of is kind of hard. but i guess rather than being doubtful, i should be thankful at least for how this year has gone by. 2008 was full of eye-opening situations, conversations, encounters. i can't remember in 2007 what i had expected/hoped for the year, but overall i am thankful that i didn't mess up my first year in university and that God provides (in terms of friends, support, financial costs). even when i did qt in the mornings, i'd usually read a passage that was so relevant to my life that it was only God who could have led me to read whatever it was.

so as 2009 is just around the corner... i'm praying that the year will just end well. no drama. no arguments. no distractions.

btw... do the positives of snow outweigh the negatives? boo... snow...

Promises

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

As much as I hope to do well in school.. in life.. whatever, I realized that there's so much more to life than my own successes. I find that a lot of people... even Christians talk get consumed by SCHOOL when of course I admit school is important, but isn't there more? At fellowship a few nights ago, we had sharing - so people voluntarily shared whatever was on their hearts. Many talked about school ... and how they trusted God... and their grades were good...

I don't know, maybe school was never a big struggle for me. I'm not the smartest person I know, but I work hard and hope that it'll pay off. But also, when I think about how I spend my time, I've given up a lot of things... like tv, shopping and so... what do I do with my time? Mostly studying, working, spend time with friends/family, fellowship or church. I'm still not sure of the promises which God has planned for me, but I'm holding onto hope... that He is faithful and is leading me in the best direction.

My first final tomorrow :) yay... heh
I want to praise God though, for being faithful in my first semester. The majority of it has been good... fun... I like the people I've met and become friends with. I just wonder what next semester will be like! I'm excited to attend onething at the end of this month, it should be pretty sweet.

friends

I know I'm a person who can't complain about the people I have in my life, especially my friends.
Not having friends has never been a problem for me, so it's easy to take them for granted since they're always there.

A friend asked me the other day to stop saying I didn't know him because I guess when I talk I sometimes imply that people I know for a few months.. I don't know very well. I didn't mean to make him feel like a stranger, nor anyone else I've met at school these past few months, especially those from fellowship.

My sister and I struggled a lot and got stressed about friends... even though we both are so blessed with amazing ones in our lives. Whether they're in UBF, from school or wherever, I can list friends in my life who have stuck by me and been there for me through everything.

I can't believe my first semester in university is coming to an end...
it's been an interesting year so far.
God has been faithful, as always. I'm looking forward to winter break -- can't wait to see all my really good friends, yayyyy

I should get back to studying... here come finals. Whoo hoo!

Why.

Why I'm a Christian.

Because:
1. I've messed up pretty bad in the past, and realized on my own, I harm myself due to my sins.

2. Seeking human love and comfort has also brought a lot of pain and hurt into my life.

3. There's always a deep part of me that feels unsatisfied even when I try to fill it with materials and people. It always failed. But God didn't.

4. God just does not make sense when we think about His love, and what Jesus did.

5. Grace convicted me.

6. Jesus showed me His heart for people. He stepped down the level of the lowest... He loved them, did not condemn them. We don't throw stones at sinners because Jesus was the one who took our punishment, what we deserve is death - yet Jesus gives us life.

7. The Holy Spirit really broke me this summer, I was not ready to let go of my idols, but out of love, they were destroyed. It hurt, but I know it was all done for a reason.

8. I can't go back to living the way I used to (I know I'm still not perfect, but as I come before God everyday, living for Him because an integrated aspect of life that is an obvious struggle, but really gives me peace and joy).

9. I do not want to be miserable. True joy comes when I am free through God's love.

10. The Word of God penetrates my heart. Every time I read in the morning, or whenever, His perfect words are just what I need.

11. God is so personal. His Word is so personal. His love is so personal. His Son is so personal. His Spirit is so personal. There's nothing like that in this world.

The list could go on.
This is what has been on my heart for the past few weeks.

why am i a Christian?

something i'm going to think about this week... why am i a christian?

in our small group meeting last night, we talked about some challenging questions that christians and non-christians ask on things like:

- other faiths
- how is our faith "the one"
- predestination

and yeah, it was a good talk.
so this week... my challenge is to spend time with my brother. i don't intentionally want to be mean to him, but he's going through that annoying juniorhigh + pre-teen stage so its annoying. but i'm going to struggle with this... haha

i'm at work now. i love free food... and at the same time, hate it. well at least i can save some money while trying to earn it at the same time :)

thanksgiving, yayyy
studying, nooooo

keep going.

i'll start writing this 500 word essay in a few minutes. it's due tomorrow, so no biggie :)

dude... it's been a crazy month. how did october come so fast?
seriously, God has been so amazing and is the only reason i've survived the first month of school. i'm not all that enthusiastic about university but i'm grateful for God because He's moving and helping me through it all.

i honestly struggled a lot, especially the first few weeks. i missed my best friends so much, because we've been together since gr 5 and 8... it's been hard without them. but, God knows me and has led me to some really cool people at laurier. so i'm thankful for that

i think that these next few months are just going to be full of more challenges and struggles that will just draw me closer to God... especially with school, work and other commitments it seems like i have no time when each week comes to an end. but there's a reason God's given us 24-hours in a day, so i need to use my time wisely haha... i think i've been alright with time-management. i just need to keep in mind eating healthy and exercising will help a lot especially since school can be pretty hectic. so, i'll keep going, because i know God's just waiting to do amazing things.

philipians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion the day of Christ Jesus."

hungry

When you get to know God at a whole new level, there's an overflow of love, blessing and grace to the extent we become more and more hungry for Him.

It's a bit hard to summarize all of today, it was overwhelming but in a good way. When we're hungry for God, He'll fill us with His spirit, His love, His blessing. Just a few things I was blessed through:

- when you open up to embrace the Holy Spirit... you experience God in a whole new way
- we can't ignore the trinity... God = Jesus = Holy Spirit, so we need an equal balance because although there are three... they're still one
- how intimate we are with God is a reflection of our hunger for Him and our desire to know Him more (for me, I'm doing this through prayer and reading His word... today I learned about "Eating the Word" ... more on that later)
- there's an endless pit, well - whatever you want to call it - in our hearts, and we try to fill that with this world, relationships, materials etc. I've tried... and I'd never be full, I'd always be hungry and sometimes to the point of starving for something. Only God, Jesus, the Spirit can fill that, nothing else because it all fades... when God doesn't
- hearing God's voice is essential to develop a more personal relationship with Him (1 Samuel 3), otherwise when He speaks to us, we won't recognize His voice

I still have to pray and meditate on a lot of things I wrote down, it was a lot to take in.
Hunger is something we all experience, when we become hungry for God, it's more than just a physical hunger like when we want to eat. It's a hunger that hurts because its challenging, but it's a hunger that will be filled by God's love, Jesus' grace and the Spirit's life.

This week has been crazy... I need to just relax and catch up on sleep but I can't! Another week is coming up, and readings are piling up, oh joy :)

how appropriate.

I had the interview today, it went well... at least I thought it did.

I read a devotional today based on Colossians 3:23-24

"Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Even though I didn't think I'd be working in food again, I guess a coffee+food place on campus shouldn't be so bad. I should be thankful that God provided me with a job in a pretty short period of time considering I've only been out of work for a few weeks. So, hopefully I get the job, I think she was implying that I had the job basically... but I'm not 100% sure.

So I'll update a blog on this summer+california later on... way too many pictures. I should scrapblog maybe... it's time consuming though.

University life begins... very soon. I honestly am not too sure what to expect, I don't think I'll have friends... heh we'll see. Alright... Hillsong conference tonight and tomorrow - hope it goes well

p.s i miss california ...

goodbye gylc

hey, so gylc is over.
bittersweet - if one word could describe today.

hm... well overall the conference was very fulfilling. it was worth it. i thought i was regretting coming, at the beginning i was honestly thinking in my head.. "oh my. i could have gone to korea and seen friends and family... what is this .." ahhaha but God had a different plan in mind.

First of all I was able to have an amazing time in maryland with the brogis and all the hbfers there, im looking forward to purdue :) :) and then gylc was just amazing. the program helped me learn more about the issues i want to fight for, but first... i have to get an education. cuz you cant go anywhere without a degree basically nowadays haha. and so.. yeah basically everyone in my group knew i was an advocate for human rights. i usually gave a lot of imput to the discussions if it involved human rights related issues. also when we were doing the un general assembly simulation, i was in the human rights comission and really fought to amend a resolution to address and attempt to eradicate genocide. me and my two group members from the costa rica group basically fought to the death haha... oh my, so i said this mini speech at the UN headquarters in front of everyone, in support of the Genocide Resolution:

"It is essential that we as a global community take steps forward to try and eradicate genocide. We cannot be inatimate and most certainly not be taking steps backwards. We have a portion of the resolution dedicated to intervention, as the Responsibility to Protect doctrine is encouraged to be recognized and signed by all countries. This doctrine was created after the Rwandan genocide, to prevent future genocides and yet we still face genocides to this day. I encourage this resolution to inolve the participation of all the countries here today. Some countries may not believe genocide directly affects them, but we as a human race, are affected by genocide as it is the outright violation of human rights: for the right to live. I strongly urge you to vote for the passing of this resolution. Thank you."

Haha, who knows, maybe someday I'll speak at the UN ... maybe not, maybe moreso for an NGO like IJM or something. So yeah, also the conference had a lot of good guest speakers, the founder and president of an NGO: FORGE (helps refugees), also a representative from the UN (she was really good), a guy from the Genocide Intervention Network - STAND (i really liked his talk) and many more...

so yeah, gylc was amazing, cant say anything other than that. it was so good to meet people with similar interests, or different passions for specific things, i learned i need to be more open minded to other dimensions of global issues (trade, politics... even though i don really understand) also, it was so cool to meet possible global leaders for the future. there were some people that i met, that i KNOW will go far and not give up on making this world a better place. i would often want to lose hope in people, and would condemn rather than be optimistic. but this conference gave me hope, especially from one of the speakers who said, if you FOCUS on a long term sustainable solution, have VISION, and be ready for a long journey of struggles, and also to have a TEAM... then you can be a leader (like her.. she started FORGE). so yeah, ive just been inspired and im driven and open to God using me to show his people his love, and that he is a God that hasn't given up on humanity, so neither will i :)

i'll post pictures on facebook someday. theres over 1000... yikes. hahah now im in new york... going to be spending a few days here, then ill be heading back home. oh canada :)

4th of july

was yesterday i know.

i as tired to post, so i will quickly this morning before i leave for philly and new york.
uhm, yesterday we walked around the national mall all day basically. it was hot.. and ye.. it was alright

then at night we had a party upstairs in this huge ballroom, had snacks and drinks, watched some fireworks but they kinda sucked cuz of clouds.. but the best part of the night was the dance party!! it was so fun, ahahha dancing brings everyone together. it was seriously crazy, zzing.

k i should go. byeee

culture

hey.

so today was good, i enjoyed the evening program.

in the morning we had a panel on nuclear proliferation uh... i didnt really understand so yeah, the girls i was sitting with we kind of doodled and yeah. but a lot of people were asking questions - i like doing more so human rights related things, but i guess i should learn to be open minded :)

so after that we prepped for our UN Security Council simulation, which was based on the Spratly Islands crisis - basically different claims on islands in the South China Sea with oil and resources. That went alright, but again, I don't know so much about trade... so yeah

but then in the evening after dinner, we had a cultural exchange. in my group there are people from south africa, new zealand, costa rica, argentina, spain, france, uae, pakistan, india, indonesia, usa, jordan yeah everywhere its so cool. so we did cultural exchange with everyone bringing things from their countires and explaining what its like and yeah, it was fun. ill try to post pictures next time im just getting tired and want to sleep.

tomorrow: national mall, holocaust museum, and the fourth of july! :)

i will start

i found it hard to be dedicated to reading the Bible if i dont have something to keep me on track and keep me accountable, so... when i went to the UBF website, i found tha daily bread is just starting Acts, perfect timing.

so... i will start.
dont be lazy.

hahha so today at gylc it was a really good day, i met new ppl and got to get closer with some of the ppl in my group. i was a big "dodgy" at first for the whole conference cuz.. im the kind of person that takes time to make friends (but being around some british, new zealanders, south africans etc) ive had such a good day, i wont lie. so yeah i was inspired by a genocide intervention network + STAND workshop i attended, cuz it was all related to things i knew off the back of my hand and was really a topic that i am passionate for. so it was great to have that.

we were in georgetown today for a few hours, got chipotle, and went shopping with people but i resisted, didnt buy anything. good jarb clara :) so yeah i hung out with some british girls, then i hung out with new zealanders and a guy from pakistan and also had a WTO simulation today (which was hard cuz im reallllly not into economics) uh.. then we had a reallly fun trivia thing, all the team countries against each other so it was crazy.. so rowdy and ye... it was so fun.

so yeah, im actually trying to enjoy this experience, tomorrows day 4. i dont want to regret coming to this conference i actually am having a better time than the first two days, and my group i actually do like the people are pretty sweet. we have ppl from new zealand, south africa, usa, india, uae, france, argentina, uk.. ye everywhere. i feel like im even picking up accents from everywhere!!

oh gus, im tired and i have another long day ahead of me tomorrow.

disappointment

you can always be disappointed in people somehow. that sounds pretty pessimisstic i know.

but you can never be disappointed in God i find if you take time to think about it.

i'm at gylc (global young leaders conference) and all the people here are supposed to be great students, with great leadership skills... yet i still feel like its a high school environment (where the same races stick together, the cool people stick together...) so then there's me. :) hahaha I FEEL LIKE IM BACK AT SCHOOL except its just without somi and amanda.. and mr.pavey.

anyways, prayer, and reading the Bible (if i can just commit to doing this, God will bless me at this conference no matter how im feeling about it now) I JUST... dont want to waste like $3000 so i better start enjoying it. ahha

off to a meeting, im so hectic and stressed -______-

the deed is done.

Wow. So after about 4 months of crazy planning, stress and no sleep, Human Rights Week pulled through and was amazing.

I guess, in short, the people who weren't supportive, seem minimal to the amount of support, and awareness we did raise within our student body and the community.
It's crazy how a few high school students can get together and pull off an event such as this one. I am slowly recovering from the months and months of planning, but it was all worth it. It was worth it, even if ONE person came to realize the importance of being aware of human rights issues and taking the time to no more and do something small. I'd see students walk by our merchandise and they'd throw down 5,10,20 dollar bills, or people read our information booths and sign the petition for Darfur. It's small things like those... that kept my going.

At the beginning of the week, during our assembly I was so tired from coming back from Champaign the morning of at 4am, and so when some students were laughing during the guest speaker's specch, it kinda hit me. Not everyone will care. But that's reality, and I guess I needed it. Not to say there's no room for optimism, but I guess being too idealistic can be dangerous.

Anyway, in one week, we raised over $1200, to give to three organizations, based on the 3 main issues we were covering, received over 700 signatures for the petition for Darfur, sold like... over 200 bracelets, and 120 of them are being sent to an orphanage in India. The deed is done, and there's still much to do. Raising awareness I guess is the first part, but taking action and looking at your life, seeing what you can do... is the hardest part. It's not just about going to Africa, South America, Asia or India... to see the atrocities people go through, but it'd evaluating your life... and making changes. So, I guess I'm struggling with that right now...

So February was a good month. U of I was fun (also I learned/realized so much.. I'll post later) and Human Rights Week went amazing. Gah.. I'll post more later on a speaker/woman I met from Sudan, who seriously... is one of the most amazing people I have met in my life.
More on that later, I gotstowork.

Love Liberates

Loves liberates.
True love does.

I'm reading The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho. I'm learning so much about Elijah, maybe after finishing this book I should read Kings ... that's where Elijah is ?

"This was freedom: to feel what the heart desired, with no thought to the opinion of the rest. She had fought with her neighbors and her friends about the stranger's presence in her house; there was no need to fight against herself. . . She was free, for love liberates."

This excerpt may have had a slight romantic connotation attached to it, however, I still like it. Love = Freedom.

I need to learn how to love,
God, what is love?

- clara

FREE

The price of you and I
cannot be labeled on a price tag
your life over mine,
my life over yours
there mustn’t be such a thing.
I am not free
unless my neighbor is no longer bound
there is no freedom
when my neighbor is a slave
if one soul is enslaved,
we are all bound together.
Together as one.
One beginning,
one end,
one race:
the free human race.

Forgive.

Colossians 3:12-17

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I've been having some struggles with forgiveness, and as I opened my Bible before going to school today, this passage was the first page I turned to. "Bear with each other and forgive..." it's funny sometimes in what ways God works and speaks to you.

It's a new year, and as usual at the beginning of it everyone wants a fresh start... a new beginning... with finishing up high school and starting college, I'm sure it will be a good year.
I'm praying to hold onto Galations 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firms, then, and do not let yourselves be bound again by a yoke of slavery." I don't feel like writing too much... so I won't but I'm praying a lot for this year, this verse, and upcoming decisions and what not that are awaiting me... let's just hope things go well... that I don't mess up, and that I can be free and not bound to the endless list of sins which I don't think I'll post.

:) I miss the winter break...