oops. late

i was late for work today.
oops.

i've been staying up pretty late these past few days finishing up my paper on the antiwar movement, i like the ways its going so far so hopefully i can finish it soon just so i can get it out of my hair.

during my shift, i realized something about myself. i'm not a very "nice" and "warm" type of person. people don't get the kinda vibe but, that's just the way i am. you know when you meet or talk to a person who is kind of bubbly, or just really friendly, yeah i'm definitely not like that at all. but trying to be more nice and more friendly, it wouldn't really fit with me, so i've come to just try and be okay with the way i am. i know i could do better, i could initiate more conversation, but i think once i become better friends with people that's when i'm more comfortable and can actually be myself. hahah as sarah oh would always tell me, nice people are boring. i hope i'm not boring...

thinking about this summer, ahh -- it'll be a good experience, and at the same time i keep asking myself what am i doing with my life. my answer everyday: i really don't know. i wish i knew.

off to toronto today and tomorrow for outreach. much prayer is needed.
11 months left in 2009. whoaaaa

hi!

hi :)

i am at work, on break.
i have a history paper, global studies paper, history debate on my mind right now. -__- what to do... i wonder what i would do with my life if i quit school. if i had a better plan in mind than how things are currently going, i'd probably quit.

bad right?

maybe, especially since quitting school hasn't ever crossed my mind until these past few weeks. but i know if i quit i would sorely regret it. education - even though there is an increasingly amount of pressure put on young adults to have higher education, i wish i could just free lance in life without worrying about school and money. i realized these two things are mainly the causes of worrying for me.

but i think it'll be a big mistake to continue worrying and not seeing that my life is going anywhere. despite this sense of being lost and inadequate to do anything... its really not going to help the situation. so, although its been a crazy first month of 2009, i'm hoping things will start to brighten up in february.

Isaiah 7:9b "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all."

a few recent edits:

- found this in my columbus folder. didn't know i had taken this.


- chicago.

i'm hoping tonight won't be a study fail. wheeeeee for history writing a paper on the antiwar movement in the 1960s. why is canada boring.

f a i l (just kidding)

failblog ... a friend showed me; it basically made my weekend.





watch out. i'll be saying "fail" a lot these days ...

anyway. it was a good weekend because i was able to spend time with my good friends in guelph (sarah and joy) but at the same time i didn't get much work done (-.-) but that's okay, i'll work hard this week, i will!

so, i'm in the middle of reading Deuteronomy (Fridays), Psalms (mornings) and Isaiah (evenings). Sticking to a prayer and Bible reading schedule is difficult, especially when i have a lot of school work piling up.

i tried being cool today (no joke) by going to chapters/starbucks to read. [fail] because on sundays i guess parents, grandparents, and children like to go to chapters+starbucks and be loud while people like me are trying to get some reading done. i'm reading Carl Oglesby's:

it's for my Problems in US History class. this class is so interesting, but the workload can be intense. I have to read this book for a paper due next week, while preparing for a debate against the vietnam war for next week as well. anyway, the antiwar movement during the '60s is becoming more interesting to me. i'm used to reading lots on the civil rights movement, mlk jr when it comes to us history, so a change of subject (even though they somewhat relate) i am finding enjoyable. hopefully i'll finish this book soon.

pictures from guelph:

(isn't the cupcake so cute? i think it is)

i hope this is a good and productive week. february is coming... wow.

the power of prayer

So this week was a bit different than the first two weeks of January, because I actually took the time to read the Bible and spend time in prayer. I don't know why, but prayer and reading the Bible has always been a struggle. At one point a few years ago I just didn't want to do it. I had no reason, I just didn't feel like it.

Deciding to get my life organized included a prayer schedule. It's kinda cool; hehe, on onenote I have a section for prayer topics divided for different days. I think its more effective for a person like me, because once I get my own system/way of doing things I actually do it. Being able to pray freely during the time I would usually go online, facebook, gmail whatever, i find that I'm using my time for something that's really worth all the free time I have. Haha, but that's pretty idealistic, it's a start... at least 1hr a day isn't much that God is asking from me.

I'm really trying not to worry about school, especially since february will be... almost like death. I can't even fit all the things I have to do next month into my brain.

Going to end times study+small group tonight yay. (i want to play bohnanza...)
Going to Guelph this weekend, yay.
Hoping to feel better soon (hate being sick, makes me not want to do anything)

... i'm tempted to start another blog, a photography one. we'll see
i did this during class today hehe





both taken in chicago =) excited to visit during reading week yahhhhh

"there is no fear in love" - 1john4:18
-clara

to do list for this week

I remember a long time ago, almost 7 years ago I really got into html because I had asianavenue and was obsessed with making my page 'cool'. Now that I'm starting to like blogging, I attempt making my blog 'cool' hahah I don't know if its working, but I'm trying to make it simple, ah... I wish I knew more.

Anyway, this past weekend I actually caught up (somewhat) with school and some other things. It's already the 2nd last week of January. Unreal. Time is a funny thing.

A few things I need to do this week:
+ catch up in school (i.e READINGS!)
+ figure out budgeting (biggest weakness)
+ clear up a parking ticket
+ pray: keep my daily schedule + read the Bible (at least 1 hour/day, if possible, work towards more)
+ see friends i haven't seen for a while
+ clean my room
+ advertise house for sublet (much prayer needed)

NOW that the Korean kids are back in Korea, and the Grondin's are off to Japan as missionaries =(... I'm hoping things will start falling into place. My life just seems so messy, I don't know why. No motivation? No drive? Yeah, especially for school.

the kids... ahha i miss them

grondin family; will miss them too: JAPAN!!

[side note: please pray for a church friend's father, cancer has spread and he is in need of prayer. Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?

"There is no fear in love" 1 John 4:18
-clara

bored at school

I should be doing my readings.
I should be preparing for my classes.
I should be ready for school.
I should be more organized.
I should get my life together.

Yeah, there's a lot of things I should be doing :)

This semester is a bit strange, because I have 3 classes in one class (all day Tuesday from 10-11:30, 1:00-2:20, 2:30-4:30) so I get sick of that room. It's dim and dirty, people don't know how to throw away garbage. I don't know how I'm liking my classes so far, I'm taking Sociology (Analysis on Social Issues), Philosophy (Knowledge and Reality), Political Science (Structures and Government), Global Studies (A Case Study: Latin America), and the full-year course History (Problems in US History). Eh... they're going okay. It's the second week only... I'm looking forward to summer (I'm really not liking winter, snow, cold... ew)

I'm thankful for the UNITY girls' small group we have at church. It's something new (starting last fall) because I never tried to have relationships with people at church because of co-op at UW, I saw that students just came and left. So I saw no point in putting effort into getting to know someone, when I thought they would just leave after a few months. But so far this small group for the few months has been slowly growing on to me. We talked about the first and greatest commandment yesterday: loving God and loving others (Matthew 22:37-38; 1 John 4). It was a good talk, we watched parts of Misty's message (which btw was really pivotal for me at Onething:This is the onething conference video archive. Watch Misty! The video is on Tues, Dec 30, I really recommend this message to everyone, it was so good. Things just clicked, life seemed to make more sense, I don't see everything as so meaningless anymore.) Anyway, so Unity is going well... church is going... (better, I'm starting to see why God has placed me in UBF and that if I pledge allegiance to Him, then resisting against my purpose doesn't seem as necessary anymore).

I miss my friends (a lot). But it's okay, God has blessed me with good friends here and outside of school so I'm struggling to not be so reliant on friends (even though they're really important, I need to seriously prioritize my life).

Also, I need to get my life together (in terms of school... I feel like I'm just going to class and have no idea of what the heck I'm doing, also with money... I have no conception of how to save. Those are just some practical things... OH and housing situation -______- ;;.... stress.... I'm praying God will provide the besttttt place. Patience. Wisdom. stay calm.

there is no fear in love, --clara


winter break was amazing, so i'm looking forward to spring/summer break. hahah i think i'm the kind of person who lives off of looking foward to things. I should just look foward to Jesus' coming.. heehee but i still like having breaks being away from school and here hahahha.

it's a new year. it's a new life.

winter break went by too fast. i'm still trying to swallow and digest everything that happened. but wow... it's crazy how timing works out. God really plans out everything for a reason, and me going to onething was not a mistake.

after being to so many conferences, i wasn't really sure what i was expecting from the ihop conference. i guess i was hoping just for something different because i've been to so many ubf retreats and conferences. but basically these are some things i learned from the conference off the top of my head:

- Christianity 101 has become lost (a life of prayer, fasting and reading the Word ~eating the scroll) so, i really need to focus on and commit to going back to the basics

- my understanding of who God is... was sooo small (God is so much bigger than i ever imagined) and He really planned everything out so perfectly from every event in history to everything going on today

- i really repented for getting sucked into a humanistic mentality. my life has been full of compromises, i felt really convicted by lou's message, how the Nazarite spirit and John the Baptist spirit is so important in this age, as this generation is drunk with entertainment and pleasures. (i am going to struggle with this sooooo much this year)

- Jesus is my bridegroom. my heart has been split in two for all my life... i tried giving half to this world/people and half to God. (Misty's message reallllly spoke to me. God really used her to bless me at the conference. She is cool.)

- Life isn't meaningless, because everything we do transcends into the next life... and as a Christian, I am called to prepare the way for Jesus' second coming. (this is something i never thought about, and began to think that everything is meaningless if we just die eventually and float off to heaven) ... i had a very shallow understanding of God's kingdom, which will actually come to Earth after Jesus' second coming. So it is time to be a John the Baptist generation and prepare the way!

So. I made a pretty big decision at the conference. It's something that's going to REALLY challenge me daily for the next ten years or so. This is God's grace, I'm so blessed to be called by God to struggle before Him in humility at age 18. Uhm... there's a lot in my head and heart still, also in my notebook on thoughts and questions from the conference. Overall, I'm really thankful i was able to go. I was encouraged by my sisters i got to see and pray with, and that my family/church were able to attend together.

It's not only a new year, but it's a new life.

(i love editing my pictures from california. i edited these on the way to KC)