know.

The Credit Crisis

2011-07-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

An educational story on the credit crisis. I've always been curious about investments and credit - how it all works. There's still much to learn though, but I might as well start to learn now then never!

new concept.

2011-07-31T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have decided on a new concept for this blog. I do appreciate blogger still, it's just Tumblr makes it so easy to post links, photographs, music, videos etc. But now I want to separate my interests/topics.

For politics, justice, human rights-related issues I will use Blogger (and this will be through news, video clips, photography journalism etc).

That's all!

2011-07-14T01:53:00.000-07:00

i cant blog. hahahahah i have too many things like.. my tumblr, facebook, twitter, now google+

i might... just give up on blogger? we'll see!

korea 2011.

2011-06-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

wow. it's been 2 months already. i feel like i've been here forever.

it's kind of odd because i stayed in uganda last summer for 2 months - it went by pretty slow compared to these 2 months so far in korea.

now 2 months left to go, wow!!

i'm really enjoying my time in korea. i love the people here in my life. i am enjoying my experience more and more at my work place. the children i tutor also are great. overall - yeah... i'm loving korea a lot :D i'm quite sure if it's korea that i love, but maybe it's more of the season i'm in.

although it's temporary, it's a good temporary. i'm learning so much and yeah... a lot of breakthrough in my life - so i'm just soaking it all in before i head back home for my last year of university. it's just been a huge blessing going to New Philly. it does feel like home, even though it's been 2 months. of course i don't know everyone, but i respect the pastors and leaders and overall, the church is solid and moving in the spirit. i love it!!

and living with hannah. haha, it's good :) we're so free just to be who we are. i haven't lived with my sister for a few years now, so i'm actually really thankful for these 4 months where we can live together and talk lots and yeah, just grow together too. she makes me wake up earlier than i would like to somedays, but its good.

hm... this week is going to be a week of rest and fun! we're moving tonight to a more quiet area, and it'll be a bigger place. then tomorrow i leave for jeju island and come back on thursday. then friday i leave for another island with my work place and will come back saturday. it's gonna be fun hehe !

(all of our stuff packed!)

its been a while

2011-06-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

its been a while since i've blogged here.

maybe because tumblr is easier, and i'm more of a media-kind of person. but yeah i think i'll try to start blogging again. not excessively, but just more enclosed here because tumblr - too many randoms be following me! haha im sure some of them are blessed by the verses, songs, videos, and photographs i post, but don't feel like i can share too much or get too personal on tumblr. which is fine.

i'll start... a post... tomorrow!

S.O.W 5

2010-09-17T20:32:00.001-07:00

Sample#5

S.O.W 4

2010-09-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

Sample Logo #4

S.O.W 3

2010-09-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Sample Logo #3

S.O.W 2

2010-09-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Sample Logo #2

S.O.W

2010-09-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sample Logo #1

forgot.

2010-04-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

james.

13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing
19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
---

I forget so easily. I'm like the man who looks at his face in a mirror, and forget what I look like. I look at grace and love so easily with hope and thanksgiving, and yet in moments that come so quickly, I'm easily deceived and let go of what I'm called to do.

2010-04-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

지겨워.
짜증나.
답답해.
싫어.
가짜.
그만해.

...

힘들어.
언니를 보고싶어.

never...

2010-04-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

never again watch heroes or tv or movies until 5am!
my body is kind of freaking out.
not good -.-

2 more exams then 2nd year is over wheeeeeeeeeeee. can't wait to play. and no more work or studying!

love.

2010-04-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

you know, sometimes trying to love someone is like dying.

"let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." romans 14:8

"love does no harm to its neighbor. therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." romans 14:10

i struggle with loving others seriously, its so hard.

march already?

2010-03-03T11:01:00.001-08:00

i don't update this blog that often, because i have another one: http://prayclarapray.blogspot.com/

i use that one for uganda mission trip updates so this one has been dead for a while.

i can't believe it's march already! i don't know where time goes, all i know is that it goes by so fast.

2nd year is almost over... then only 2 remaining years to go... wow, and who knows a year off after i graduate? then law school? i have no idea... only God knows.

i'm looking forward to the summer, it should be interesting to go on a mission trip, then come back for 2 months. for july and part of august i have no idea what i'll be doing, maybe i should look into volunteer positions so i'm not sitting around for 2 months. but we're also going on the eastern prayer journey this year... all the Maritime provinces, it's going to be crazy.

alright.. this week:

- finished book review (the village of waiting) - it's really good! helped me a lot

- korean midterm today

- addendum for book discussion

- Unbound joint praise night on Friday (i'm getting excited for this, i hope lots of people come out!)

and i think i'm going to new york and new jersey next week hehe :)

don't give up.

2010-02-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

^{⁷But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may GAIN Christ ⁹and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. ¹⁰I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.}

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

philippians.

powerful.

persevere.

(I have been battling with something inside of me for a while now. When it goes away one year, it comes back in some form or another. I am troubled by this. DEEPLY. I'm quite frankly tired of it, because the Kingdom of God is near... so why?! I have questions for God that I don't seem to really get answers from. These questions continue to trouble me and make my soul hurt.

BUT, REJOICE. Because I will PRESS ON. I will not give up, and I will believe that God is good and sovereign in all things - even when I don't understand and want to be discouraged.)

I will not live according to a human standard. Life is better than that.

ACTS 5:33-39.

³³When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. ³⁴But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. ³⁵Then he addressed them: "Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. ³⁶Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. ³⁷After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered.³⁸Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. ³⁹But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."

photograph.

2010-01-18T12:03:00.001-08:00

a friend sent me this link

this picture caught my attention and it hurt to stare at it for a couple of seconds.

something as simple as w a t e r.

just believe.

2010-01-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

Jesus said, "Don't be afraid; just believe."

Believe in what? (my dad asked this in his message today in service)

We've been thinking a lot about Haiti these days; it was already a devastated nation before the earthquake hit. Now it's even more devastated ... what to do, what to think?

I sometimes feel very helpless.

I want to do so many things, and really want to focus on one issue/problem where I could make an impact. Orphans, the poor and homeless, sex slaves, immigrants/refugees - I want to do something about all of these... but how?

Sometimes I wonder what I believe in (not necessarily in terms of my faith - God) but more so what do I believe about humanity, people, and this world. I become more troubled and conflicted when I read articles and hear the desires of people in the West who want to 'help' the developed world.

I guess this post is diverging from my original point about believing (and what Jesus said), but I'm finding myself becoming more frustrated with Western society and the notion of "us" and "them".

I'm not sure where I'm going with this anymore.

I'm just troubled -.-

2010.

2010-01-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

its a new year!

i cant explain really what im feeling or what i expect... but here's some thoughts:

- 5-course load (its harder than i thought!)

- praying for growth in ubf + lccf

- joe and rebekah getting married!

- uganda mission trip (may 1 - jul 4)

- eastern prayer journey (august 15 - 30)

- isaac and jihan getting married!

- paul and lydia getting married!

(wow many people getting married)

- i'll finish 2nd year, and start 3rd year

that's it so far..

those are kind of events...?

personally im trying to just daily die to myself. i want to die each day so that Christ will live in me. i'm tired of living for myself and this world. im thankful at ydc i was able to receive renewal an hope for this year. i saw in 2009 the kind of life i dont want to live (a life for myself). it got messy and was meaningless at times. but overall 2009 was a good year, but i want 2010 to be even better.

everyday is a struggle. its a battle. but seeking God with all my heart and denying myself - it'll reap blessing and peace.

i dont know what i wanted to get at with this blog, but i wanted to write thoughts down as i was being bothered by some really inconsiderate people in the library. who makes out with their bf/gf in the friggen library...?! -.-

anyway, time for 2nd class of the day.

new years eve.

2009-12-31T10:21:00.001-08:00

its new years eve,

doesnt feel like it.

going to ydc soon in a few hours

praying for:

- vision

- focus

- key verse

- renewal

merry christmas

2009-12-25T13:30:00.000-08:00

merry christmas :)

just been chilling in the movie theatre with my brother.

he is sewing a plush doll cuz he saw me making them.

hes too cute.

still a little boy, following the things i do.

so yeah christmas without hans is weird!

but yeah, this break is pretty chill...

i like it :)

thank Jesus for giving me the gift of His love, for giving me life.

without Him i'm lost and i fail!

this semester was grace. seriously, i shouldve done badly in everything, but somehow God just brought me through. its crazy, i dont deserve it.

Christmas dinner/party tonight, i wanna play games and do karaoke hehe!

2009-12-23T16:45:00.001-08:00

i need financial help. badly.

PTL

2009-12-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

PTL for my RE321 exam (and the class overall)

i was pretty much in shock yesterday, didn't think i did that well just thought the final was alright,

but dang... i duno how it happened. im humbled.

TIME TO RIP UP cp102 and gs232!

cant wait for break, i just want to relax, bake, see friends and hangout with the fam. thas alllllll~

why did i stress.

2009-12-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

today was a funny day,

i woke up at 8 to drive a friend to st.jacobs.

(i'm going to make more of an effort to go to the market on weekends for food)

then we went grocery shopping for a bit.

i came home to realize i had 1 hour to make lunch for the first years..

(i committed to this last week, so i had to go through with my brilliant idea of making spinach chicken lasagna)

as i was making yams and lasagna at the same time... i forgot to add water to the lasagna before i put it in the oven, so the top layer was all hard and failed :(

(at this point i was stressing because cheese and sauce were everywhere and i was making 2 dishes simultaneously)

i was running out of time and was freaking out because the lasagna wasn't working. my housemate suggested adding water... (yay vicky)

(i began to realize i stress really easily, i dont know why!)

I need to relax.

Breathe.

And realize mistakes are okay, cuz next time my lasagna is going to be AMAZING :D

One final is done...

Two more to go!

I can't wait for break... i want to learn flash, work on some art competitions i want to enter in the new year, research cameras and flights (can't believe the year is almost over!)

(i miss my sister.... more and more these days)

this winter break

2009-12-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

still have 3 finals to go/ but im beginning to think of what i want to do this break:

- plan for uganda

- ikea trip

- snowboarding

- toledo

- ydc

- haircut

- clean room

- spend time with family

:) break come soon. please.

let's go.

2009-12-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

alright, too much playing... haha

time to get serious!

exams on:

- 10 (take home final GS221)

- 11 (RE 321- Gandhi)

- 15 (CP 102- Computing)

- 16 (GS 232- Peace&Conflict)

THEN I AM DONE WHAT UP!

last week was quite wonderful hehe, somi came up!

it was good times :) i realized, that our triple bond (AC, SY, CY) = inseparable.

sci-ball pictures...

fun :)

up and down

2009-11-25T08:56:00.001-08:00

it's always like this,

up and down ...

just want this year to be over with.

i'd like a new year,

a new start.

going to get indian food today,

friggen love naan bread. haha

i miss my sister, my best friends,

this semesters been so weird, i cant even describe it.

but what im thankful for is my family, my parents are really the best,

and the girls i live with - i love them

and the friends who have stood by me.

its hard to hear God's voice these days,

maybe im intentionally not listening ... i have a lot to learn,

a lot of growing up to do.

this blog entry was -.-

november already?

2009-11-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

what the hecks,

its november.

already half of the semester is done!

its been over 2 months since i've been back from korea,

i skyped with hannah this morning and seeing my relatives and the background of their house... made me sad -_-;; i miss it !

im trying to figure out what is going on with a couple of things in my life...

- things with God

- things with myself

- things with friends

- things with the namj

- things with Uganda / next year plans

i feel like i havent done much this semester,

there were great hopes for this fall...

im not quite sure what has happened. but still,

some good times with friends + family ~

i want to do something more exciting these days.

tired of the mundane things in life...

---

p.s. writing a paper on travel and tourism is making me think a lot... on how host countries are affected and transformed because of the invasion of tourists and the practices that come with the industry. hm... yes its interesting. tourists are bothersome, yet basically everyone from the West is a tourist when they travel. what can we do?!

i feel like im getting sick, frick

dont wanna be sick for this month

no more studying

just writing some papers

SO I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND NOT BE SICK, pleaseeee.

<3clara.

뭐야....

2009-10-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

여름 진짜 그리워해...

자꾸 up and down 하고있어.
힘들지만, 힘내!

--- that was written in class... in my gandhi class ---

NOW. after women's cell... we talked about godly characteristics
and im glad i went and talked with the girls cuz helped me kind of clear my mind after kind of a blehhhhhhh day.

we thought of a challenge. its a secret though haha!!
it'll be a good and different week... i think. just have to do it.

a month

2009-10-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

a months went by, haha i've been very confused and lost...

BUT. im thankful for those who were real with me, kept me acconuntable, those who PRAYED for me, seriously i am blessed.

theres a lot ive been realizing these days, i dont think i can sum it up in this blog so i wont.

i duno, being back over a month now i think its time to suck it up, get my life together, be more responsible and yeah...

so im figuring out things in many aspects of my life: relationships, serving in ministries, being a leader, school, going to uganda possibly next summer, and maybe studying abroad in europe... lots to think about and figure out.

trust

2009-09-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

i say i want to trust God,
but i don't think i've tried quite yet...

how have these 3 weeks gone by so fast? korea seems sooo far away, i don't even realize i was there for 3.5 months. i miss it, but life is moving and i can't dwell on the past.

hm. need to be healthy this semester.

- i don't cook
- i don't sleep
- i don't study
- i don't exercise

fail! haha... i need to get my life together shingam.
hopefully this will be a better week.

its been a week

2009-09-05T21:12:00.000-07:00

so being home after a week is good.

havent been able to really relax, unpack, reflect because we've been moving non-stop.

classes start in a week, ahhh. don't even know what my schedules going to exactly be like yet, because i havent confirmed my classes yet... gahhhhh don wanna goooo.

i'll have to post up pictures soon. havent been able to put up HK or the rest of Korean pictures on facebook yet.

lets just begin the fall.

do it!

akshdfkahsdfaksjhfashdf.

i want to start sewing again.

home.

2009-08-31T22:51:00.000-07:00

omgus.

im home.

hm....

duno what to say: i miss korea ㅠ.

so much change 아아아.

i'm jetlagged.

moving is crazy.

ye.

2wo.

2009-08-28T02:03:00.000-07:00

two days.

well, i leave sunday at 5... but basically that day is wake up, church, go to airport.

i'll miss korea a lot.

i wish i could be here for the fall, i hear korea is beautiful in the fall...

가을 보고싶다...

went to a sky lounge on the 40th floor ... of some building with somi and her family,

너무 좋왔어~ we had like a course meal, and it was just really nice. i was dressed too casual though, it looked like a place where a drama could be filmed and something big happens like a proposal or breakup. ha!

and then we went to noraebang. i'll miss it... hahahahha, "she's gone...." is the best NRB song in the world. my throat still kinda hurts.

there's a lot i did in korea, but also a lot that i didn't get to to. but its okay, the main things i wanted to do, i did and overall it was seriously an amazing summer. now im writing my korea testimony, meeting some people for the last time and basically yeah getting ready to go home.

no more cell phone, so i'm going to see how it'll be for 2 days not having a phone, omgus! hahahah shooooo

okay this entry is kinda pointless, i gotta pack! and write!

5ive

2009-08-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

home in 5.

i baked peanut butter cookies today.

peanut butter is expensive in korea... about $7 for a tiny thing of PB. whaaaaa

my cookies turned out pretty good. hehe, im proud of myself,

i wanted to bake so i could give cookies to my students/shinchon ubf/family something before i left...

its already the end of august/ where did all that time go... what did i DO!

its been an amazing summer.

hard.

but good.

i learned so much, but at the same time now im excited to go home.

so many challenges/things to face..... i dont want to.

ah my brain is all over the place

so ill post maybe 1 more time before i go home, but for now i got lots to do before i leave ahhhh!

thank God for being so good, ye.

2009-08-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

will change this layout soon

ew uglyyy.

6 more days in korea.

wanna go, yet i dont wanna go.

fear and worry is what makes me want to stay here.

too much to face in the fall back at home..

도망가자. ㅋㅋ

1.5 weeks left

2009-08-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

whoa. i'm going home next week!

hong kong was sweet. i wish i could've stayed longer, but it's okay :)

one verse that i'm holding onto

john 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."

yeeeee~

hk pics:

busy busy busy.

things are good.

so much to write, no time. when i'm home.

august 30.. come quick!

but at the same time, i dont want to leave.... -.-

한국!

렌덤~~~

2009-07-09T17:34:00.001-07:00

random hehe.

i am sitting in my room, just hanging out :)

listening to hillsong, writing some emails and going to shower soon.

met up with aug yesterday at hanyang, good thing its only like 20 min away!

it was good talking, we went to Tom n Tom's cafe? man.. GREEN TEA FOR 4000 WON (thats like $4 for green tea) i cried inside ㅜ.ㅜ

today: GOING BOWLING, FINALLLLLLLY AHHHHH

okay. this is a very random post, here's some picture ^^

cutest baby: eun-suh

these are funny. (test messenger ... fail)

reallly good pasta i had yesterday.

yebon; we wrote messages to each other

i love these colorpens she has, theyre not pencil crayons, theyre not pastels, theyre weird!! im going to buy some

"hans" / expensive green tea -.-

okay byeee~

google reader.

2009-07-07T23:29:00.001-07:00

i haven't read the news for almost 2 months.
shame...

i used to read the news all the time and knew at least the major headlines.
what happened?

SO, i've been told about google reader; google is amazing hehe.

I read in the globe and mail about the G8 summit, and how British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said in an interview, "I am determined that a recession is not an excuse to give up on the poor. A recession is when your duty to the poor is even more clear." Amen brotha.

It doesn't feel like we're going through a recession right now,

maybe we're all in denial;

maybe we're spending less;

but the poor remain the same, or maybe worse off?

In Seoul, i volunteer at an afterschool program (돌산 공부방시역아동센터) and the kids don't appear poor - but you can tell they've been raised differently than other Korean kids i've interacted with. It's going to be interesting volunteering there, the first day was quite overwhelming, but the kids i'm working with are cute - 2 girls in 2nd grade - and some of the older kids ask me "are you korean? how come you can't speak korean? so are your parents korean then?" and they also make fun of my name (윤클라라) "kuhl-la-la" ... sounds ugly.

july 8th already, crazy.

less than 2 months left then i'm back home.

i do like korea though... but i don't think i'd want to stay longer.

but i've been blessed a lot so far, and am excited for the remaining 2 months.

(EEK. harry potter comes out soon!)

gwangju~

2009-07-04T06:16:00.000-07:00

got back from gwangju a few days ago with the 2nd gens...

g o o d t i m e s.

especially singing/dancing/talking with my cousin hehren, love that girl.

i am so thankful for UBF, my familia, and friends.

i realize more each day how blessed i am ^^

the trip helped me see the history behind UBF and how far the ministry has come after almost 50 years. also through life testimony sharing (something i had neglected doing for a while now) ... i finally wrote a first draft and shared it with the other 2nd gens. with courage i shared my struggles and the things God has done in my life, rather than running away from my past, i'm realizing how i can't be haunted by shame/guilt/my sins (Jesus has made me clean; with Him i have a new beginning)

things are getting more busy in korea,

teaching english about over 10 hours a week... (i actually enjoy it a lot), starting volunteering on mondays/thursdays this week for about 8 hours, i should be helping out more with summer bible conference preperations, and on top of that... seeing friends/family. -.- busyyyyyy...

but in the middle of all this craziness: God is good.

He provides and shows me how worrying, is useless and pointless.

im hoping to see some new things through volunteering at the afterschool program (i want God to rekindle my heart for the broken/poor/needy) these kids that come to this program come from broken/disadvantaged families, so i hope to be full of light and love~

here's some pictures from gwangju hehe:

my parents on a missionary board at jongno center. hahaha my dad's smile

me and hehren <3>

2nd gens at the first ubf center / me, sarah, helen :)

we were hanging out in the rose garden at chosun university / helen being cool

rose garden/ it rained -__-

falling asleep... tsk tsk./mountains are beautiful

my favourite

okay gonna sleep early for once. goodnight.

what to do.

2009-06-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

so it's been a bit over a month since i've been in korea.

why am i here?

i ask myself sometimes and answer: i don't know...

not the greatest response to an important question, but as one month as passed... i think its been a meaningful time so far, for the most part.

patience: i have learned to become patient... somewhat. teaching english, living with a friend for 3 weeks, communicating with language barriers - all these things would make trigger my impatience, but i've learned to just take things as they come and stay calm... it's all worked out for the good so far.

perseverance: the one message i heard 2 weeks into coming to korea at the english fellowship at yonsei, reallllllly encouraged me. when i feel like giving up or wanting to get frustrated over teaching, money, things back at home i remember to persevere... as hard as things get, i'm on a race... i'm growing as a person, i'm growing in Christ, i'm persevering because Jesus endured through so much more, so i know i can also.

purpose: my purpose here... still figuring it out. sometimes a day goes by and i'm like what the heck, i did nothing productive with my day. me and a few friends yesterday were in 신촌 & 이대 area *shinchon & idae* and... we ate and sat outside a convenience store eating snacks and talking. i realized im too lazy to go and explore. maybe next week i'll go out in the morning after QT+prayer... find some cool cafes or art galleries so i can begin to landmark places i like going around in seoul. i ONLY stay around yonsei and shinchon... and sometimes idae. i need to get out and explore and see this city. there's shopping, food, entertainment everywhere... but there's also areas that "tourists" don't go to, and im not a tourist so i want to see the city - beautiful and broken. koreans tend to put on a good exterior image, and the city is fairly clean, infrastructure is advanced, most people are dressed nicely; the poor/homeless/hurting are hidden well.

my idea of volunteering has kind of flopped the first month i've been here. i have about 2 months left... (i go back august 30) so this week also... another goal is to find a place to volunteer at (whether its a school, orphanage, wherever... i want to do something more productive with my time rather than just playing.) after a while... the sticker pictures, paht-bingsoo, dduk-boggi and shopping seems all the same. it gets tiring, and money just seems to go so fast.

yesterday i went to the rooftop of the apartment i'm staying at:

what a view... there were more pictures, but my battery was dying and i havent been able to edit many. but it was really peaceful up there, i wrote in my journal and just looked at the city... one view is of the mountains... its killer, seriously the sun was setting behind these rocky mountains that are kinda far but theyre my favourite ones that i can see around here.

there's so much i want to do, and yet i think i need to figure out things that are necessary, reasonable and unnecessary.

OH. and today's morning english class was by far the funniest.

i teach the 사모님's at the church (kinda.. older women? theyre not that old but... yeah)

so one was reading her journal entry and she was asking what is "ggochu" in english hahaha i'm like... uhm, we don't really say that word.. we have other ways of saying it. and she was like "ah! pepper" cuz koreans like are open and free to talk about their kids.. private parts ahahha, it was a funny class.

then someone else asked me, "i heard this ... what does it mean? ... fed-ex" i'm like.. that's a mailing company, and she was like.. "someone was calling someone.. fed-ex..." so i guessed, "fat-ass?" hahahhaha, and they were asking me how to say like bum, butt, poo, pee (cuz the one wrote a journal entry about her baby son and how he pooed and there were no extra diapers... anyway). (-_-) such a strange class when i have to answer their questions.

2 months left. whaaasaheck.

wish.

2009-06-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

my 서원: dslr

근대 돈없어

ㅠ.ㅠ

work hard, and we'll see~

it's reallllllly hot in korea, not nice at all.

i want to go jump in a pool!

바이바이.

okay.

2009-06-11T04:21:00.000-07:00

because of Jesus, even though i am weak ... i am strong.

because of Jesus, even though i want to give up ... i endure.

because of Jesus, even though things get hard ... i know i can persevere.

my patience levels are waivering, but i'm learning through being here what it means to be in full surrender. having little direction and no definite plans, life is quite different than i'm used to. planning and hoping things will go my way is how i've lived for the majority of my life. when i don't feel like being warm and welcoming, selfishness becomes the ugly in me. there's a lot i don't feel like doing while i'm here. or i had hoped things were a bit different, but there's no use in that.

not always hearing from people back at home... is a struggle.

but those who do keep in touch i appreciate, especially my dad.

he emails, calls on skype, sends pictures - i held onto a lot of grude growing up towards him. but i know as one who also has made mistakes that my Heavenly Father has let go of such things... so i should be able to as well. and i think i am realizing through Jesus i can. i tell him my struggles and prayer and praise topics, something i would never have done before. (사랑해 아빠~)

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

even though i don't always hear from friends, i know we're all in the places we are for a reason. personal growth and time with different kinds of people in different kinds of environment --- it's all for a reason, so i'm holding onto that. [ t r u s t ] that they are always there, even if not in the physical, friendships don't go on pause just because of time/distance ( r i g h t ? ! ) i hope so... haha nah, i know so [ c: ]

picture time ~

made pottery (like in boys over flowers ... )

my mug will be ready in 1 month ^^

hong-dae area ... i loveee it, need to go back!

i bought a cheap camera. i hope the pictures turn out cooooool.

i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sticker pictures. no joke.

this is cool?

okay. im tired.

doing something crazy tomorrow heh heh heh... us girls are BRAVE <3

힘들어.

2009-06-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

힘들 지만, 난 할쑤있어.

예수님의 힘으로 인니까... 할쑤있어.

화이팅 클라라~~

thank you

2009-06-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

:)

i am 19... i don't feel any different.
older? not really...
more mature? not really...
wiser? ... no

but one thing i realized today: HOW blessed i am.
all the friends i have who made my birthday special, i overlook the small things but...
- somi and her mom bought me a really nice cake
- i read ALL the notes from friends back at home (ThankYou x 121203812038120831273)
- i got a cute e-card from my dad
- video chatted with the group (thanks again you guys)
- talked with nard :) thank you for your broken korean birthday song
- hungout with seoul friends (dinner, nrb, 술집 + games)

im SO blessed...
everyone who's in my life who is important to me (they wished me a happy birthday) and
i am blessed by God too have amazing family/friends who are always there...

i miss everyone back at home , but am still having a good time here in korea :)

yay cake ~

yay group of six (not fab5...!!)

yay, birthday in seoul ~~

breakthrough.

2009-05-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

it's not a coincidence that i read joel 1:14-15 yesterday:

¹⁴ Declare a holy fast; call a sacred assembly. Summon the elders and all who live in the land to the house of the LORD your God, and cry out to the LORD. ¹⁵ Alas for that day! For the day of the LORD is near; it will come like destruction from the Almighty.

because later at night i went to a church with mary and her english fellowship at yonsei, because IHOP-KC came for a conference called "breakthrough 2009"

allen hood, the president of the Bible school in KC spoke. i remember him at one thing... he was really loud and powerful. a bit overwhelming, but yesterday it was good. he reminded me of things i knew, (on Jesus' coming, the church becoming ready, praying for the nations) but he also said, how angels worship God all day and all night... but when a third of the angels fell away... Jesus wasn't sent to die for angels, he was sent to die for us. that hit me. we limit ourselves to worshipping God, we limit ourselves to going to church on sundays (just barely) but there's always more we can do.

ive been doing Bible studies in Shinchon UBF with Hannah on John 9. Jesus heals the blind man. Jesus said while it is day we are to do the work of God. Jesus is the light of the world, so if Jesus is in our hearts, then we can always do the work of God. it is 'day' while we are on earth, so we can always be doing the work of God through everything we do.

(things are clicking for me now.. im connecting the dots of what i've been learning. God's timing is crazy)

so yesterday's worship was in korean. but it was crazy.
koreans are crazy. they pray ... like no other. people were dancing, laughing, speaking in tongues, weeping, physical manifestations of the Spirit.. yeah, it was haha a bit overwhelming, intense, but so good. this is what Heaven will be like, constant worship, cuz we were made by love, to love our Father.

my thoughts are all over the place. my notes were all over the place last night too, so i can't really describe what i'm thinking, but God is moving. He is stirring something up, and the Holy Spirit is just going to do some crazy things this summer. it's exciting because i'm beginning to see more clearly why i'm in korea. i want to pray for this nation, to be a leader in the prayer and worship movement -- but at the same time there's a lot of darkness... after we came back from the conference we got off a random subway stop because at 12:30am the subways stop running. GG. so we got a taxi. i felt like i was in a typical korean drama or movie... drunk people everywhere. it's just sad to see people so easily taken over and ruled by alcohol. drinking culture here is insane.

anyway, i'll update later... i have english class, prayer meeting, go to bookstore, then tutor, then meet up with some 2nd gens.

these pictures hahahah suck :P ill upload later on.
theresa and maria we be eating paht bing soo yay
then mary and i in the friggen taxi cuz the subways stopped!

okaye bye!

from carlos.

2009-05-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

PRAISE THE LORD!
When you are sad or lonely --

PRAISE THE LORD!
When you are hungry --

PRAISE THE LORD!
When you lose someone you loved --

PRAISE THE LORD for everything that happens in your life whether good or bad ...
For the chains that seem to bind you, serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you when you praise Him!

and always remember that life is such a PRECIOUS and beautiful gift from God ...

When someone gives you a gift the correct thing to do is return the favor
So, make your life a shining example to others by glorifying God in everything that you do!
no matter what the circumstances PRAISE THE LORD!
and give yourself as a worthy gift to God.

yours in Spirit and truth
C.M Diaz
---------

I appreciate this note on facebook.
Praise the Lord! Even though I'm in Korea... it's supposed to be a fun place ; but at the same time I know I'm here for more than just 'fun' it sucks being away from my family and friends whom i love. I take them all for granted and when i don't hear from them i'm wondering what everyone is up to.

i need to learn to become independent.
i'm reliant on talking to my friends, i think God's training me to depend on Him.

i'm finishing up my reflection on yesterday's message, then i'm going to get a cell phone, then i'm going to center, then i'm going to a shopping center. okay bye.

(i like emails *ahem*) hehe

california post.

2009-05-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i've updated blogger.
i haven't had much to say so i didn't write.

but... california was bomb, so it definitely deserves a post.

so, california was sweet because its cali and it was the first time i flew with my best friends somewhere (other than going to europe with amanda). we didn't do a lot, instead we just ate... and ate... and ate:
- kimchee jji gae
- i had a bit of mexican food (we missed out on that)
- in-n-out
- frozen yogurt (my favorite)
- dduk-bo-sam
- soon-du-bu
- japanese noodles

i'm sure we had more but i can't really remember all that we ate.

so the first day we got there, we just had in-n-out, and went to stephen's house.
then we woke up really early to get to LA for Albert's graduation at USC.
there were so many people at the graduation, we were all hungry in the morning so we missed Arnold Swartzeneger's speech for ... burger king. so lame.

then we went to albert's ceremony, we were so loud... it was fun. after the graduation we took pictures for like 2 hours, it felt like that at least, and then we went to the KCM reception. after the reception ... i can't remember what we did. i think we hungout for a bit, then got yogurt and soon-du-bu.

day 2 - beeeeech. we were all excited to go to the beach, and by the time we got there, it was cloudy and a bit chilly. so since we couldn't swim, the boys thought it'd be fun to throw us in the water, when the plan was to get sam wet because it was his birthday. (fail) then we ate kimchee jjigae (so good) and then saw the orphanage (such a good movie).

day 3 - had church ... hung out, cut john's hair, ate dduk-bo-sam, pulled a prank on jake and his car, then went to noraebang. yay, that was fun -- then we went to LA. this was a crazy night also... we went to jack in the box at like 3or 4am, then came back to the apartment, then after eating john was hungry again, i was craving chicken nuggets so we went to carls jr + mcdonalds... 3 fast food restaurants in like 1 hr. so gross, haha but so good.

day 4 - attempt #2 at the beach. we went to bolsa chica beach, it was nice but SO WINDY. so we went back to LA.. had dongkas, and then went bowling, our team won, cuz of brian hwang. then we had boba. so good.

day 5 - j-town (noodles and air freshener), then we had yogurt, then we went to santa monica (soooooooo nice, my favorite part of the trip, just hanging out at the beeech).

overall, im glad we went. we laughed a lot, we talked a lot, just milked it a lot.
good times with good friends, always :)

bye

2009-05-19T23:41:00.003-07:00

going to korea in a few hours

had the time of my life in california

i love my friends to death.

:)

omgus.

2009-05-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

i easily compare my friends in waterloo to the ones i have in ubf/america/group of 6
not good right?

still, these past few days with moving out + dealing with stuff it gets tough.

i don't even know what i was going to write about anymore.
blog fail.

seriously i need to get my head together before i go. and usually cleaning helps me do that!
so i'm going to spend my whole day cleaning/packing my room. God be with me so that i don't dwell on reminiscing on things i find and to not waste time, ahhah cleaning and packing is so time-consuming because i'm a pack rat and i hate throwing things away. but it's time... i must -.- so sad hehe.

anyway, i can think people are being weird and not talking to me and just yeah, but we all go through change. and if change happens and we can't embrace it and we let it affect our friendships... then we'll never have constant friends. they'll always change, because we're always changing. so if friendships are true they won't change because people change. (i learned that with my best friends amanda and somi + also sarah,aug,alb,john,hans). yeah change makes me unconfortable and a lot of change happens even when i don't plan on it... but you face it rather than running away from it.

i will post pictures from east-coast/somi's visit soon. i hope.

stress. is not cool

2009-05-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

-___-
ah.

stay calm!!
lots going on right now, but the best thing to do is remain c a l m...

leaving for california + korea soon.
yay

nothing else to say hehe.

blessed.

2009-04-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

i am blessed.

cherish times with those you love.
i'm excited to see what these next few weeks will be like.

hehe.

i'll post later on our eastcoast trip,
it's been so fun, relaxing, eye-opening.
wheeee.

can't think straight.

2009-04-23T16:17:00.000-07:00

i'm wondering... who i'm becoming in relation to the friends that i've always held onto so tightly as my best friends.

sometimes i get scared when things start to change.
i don't know how to handle it because i don't know what to expect, or i just dwell on my past.
it's weird seeing people change too. you think that your best friends will always be the same, but i see change in her, and it scares me! but maybe i changed too though in her eyes... i'm sure she sees change and thinks back to our good days in junior high/high school. growing up is hard (-.-)

a lot of things are changing,
a lot of things will be changing,
it's beginning to scare me.

but... like it says in 1 john 4, there is no fear in love.
hold onto that clara, there is no fear. and like Kim Walker's song... remember that you don't have to fear anything, because His love makes it worth it all.

i'm finding that as these changes are taking place in my life i get caught up easily and neglect important lessons i've learned, important people, and the most important: God.
i was freaking out yesterday because of some things, including my global studies exam i had today... (my studying habits have gotten all jacked up lately) anyway, i'm working on fixing that... but i read Psalm 116... it was just good. "Praise the Lord." cuz even when i mess up, He is still faithful.

okay, 2 more finals left.
finish strong.

boston.
california.
korea.

here i come :) wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

it begins.

2009-04-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

almost everyone is done finals, i've got 4 left :) today is my 2nd one ... the thurs,fri,sat (i die).

i need balance in my life.
i get caught up so easily.
don't know what to do...

i say i want to love God and put him first,
but its so easy to put the things He has put in my life before Him.
like i said... balance , prioritizing , having self-control and saying 'no' to invites to hangout ... i suck.

"For God did not give up a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
- 2 timothy 1:7

hm...
life is a bit crazy.
we can planplanplan all we want, and most of the time our plans don't work out so well, or other things happen instead. so hannah and i have been realizing its best to live without expectation (not in a way that you live passively and just be okay with anything) but kind of... live in the moment while being mindful of the future? make sense .... ? not really but oh well. to really trust God is so hard, i always fail at trusting him and so i take matters into my own hand. i don't know what i'm doing this summer, it scares me a bit!

okay study time...
i fail at studying -_-.

funny text message.

2009-04-15T21:37:00.001-07:00

i was at the library today and hannah was on my phone and she said "i don't think mom knows how to text message, but she sent you a text. maybe it was sam"

the text said, "clara! study hard!"

i thought it was sam, because technology and my mom just don't mix well.
so i called her cell and she said she texted me and that she was on her way to work and learned how to text.

cute.

then hannah got a text message from mom, "i love you hana" hahha... not even hannah...

cute.

ahhhh. 1/5 finals done.
oh my gus.

day ? of studying.

2009-04-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

i'm at dp.
this is the new spot to study.
i think i get work done while i'm here.
we'll see,

before studying i read something by john piper and turned to 2 corinthians 5:14-15
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

i was talking to a friend yesterday and he asked something like "i wonder how i'll be remembered..." and it made me think of this response: if we live only for ourselves, we won't be remembered because we won't have an impact on other people's lives. the things i do in my life, i hope i don't do them just to be remembered, but i guess im realizing more that i don't want to live only for myself. i think i'd just be miserable, or i'd keep trying to fill something inside of me that can't be filled by things that i just want to do. it gets tiring and i get burned out when i cater only to myself...

but its hard finding that balance... living for God (mixed with enjoying myself, my friends, family ... life!?)

also we talked about who we are, haha not something i think about everyday. i'm not sure if i am defined by things i value or like - i really don't know. haha maybe i don't know who i a -_-

OTL

O = a head
T = arms
L = legs

it's a person kneeling (in defeat or frustration) my friend explained it to me yesterday, i'm a noob it took forever to figure out. okay... time to study.

-- lots of hanging out with cool people this easter weekend --

hanging out at jono's house - after soccer+football. i was so sore the next day.

crepe morning.

new friend dien!

okay bye. study.
"can you please stop discussing" we got owned at the library yesterday.

"I am the resurrection"

2009-04-12T11:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter.
Today in church my dad asked us to think a lot about death.
I try as much as possible to avoid such thoughts. I've never had anyone close to my pass away. I have no idea what it feels like to lose a loved one. I'm pretty blessed to have all my family and friends alive and well.

John 11:25-26 -- Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?

But he said something that made me think, "we taste death everyday." It's true, each day... we're slowly dying. Death is inevitable... it'll come some day, sooner or later. These days I've been living in the moment -- not thinking about the future, or anything long-term. Finding that balance is difficult though, because at the time when all is well, and you're satisfied, the future isn't what is usually on our minds, not mine at least.

I should think about the future though, with a balance of "living in the now" (Wayne's World) haha. It'll come ... that balance, I'm sure it will. Right now, I'm trying not to be frustrated or fearful with school/housing/money/boys - it'll all work out, just learn to trust.

day four of studying.

2009-04-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

we came early to the library to study.
the past few days have not been productive.
i don't know what i'm doing :|

i read today in luke 22:42
Jesus said, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." i wish i could live a life of surrender.

it's passion week.
i've been trying to think about the cross, the lamb, the sacrifice - but being overwhelmed by studying/exams/distractions ... i feel pretty helpless.

studying for finals is nothing compared to what Jesus went through.

keep your head up clara,
a bit over than 2 weeks,
don't give up so easily.

day one of studying.

2009-04-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

I told myself I'll hard-core study starting today. So I will. Soon.

This past week has really become crazy, when I am committed to something or have some sort of responsibility I will sacrifice sleep, food, sanity in order to get the job done. Good and bad things come from this.

But doing things for grad night (for LCCF) was worth it. I really am thankful for the friends I've made through the fellowship. I'm becoming more comfortable with the group and spending more time with them. It's like having a really big asian family as Laurier, haha it's fun. I love our year, I can't help it haha! We've become more close, especially through this video we made for the grads (I'll upload it on youtube or facebook) and yeah we're all pretty different but still worked together to get it done. holla first years !

These past few weeks I've found myself somewhat... getting lost? Or just losing touch with what who I thought I was, or what I was all about. I really miss my friends (Sarah, Aug, Albert, John, Hannah lives with me but I'll miss her too) and can't wait for California. I've realized our group is really close but I know I am a bit distant from everyone throughout the year. I don't really know how to change that or maybe its just the way things are. Regardless, I love them, miss them and can't wait to see them in a few weeks right before I leave for Korea.

I've also found it hard to balance my life. My priorities are a bit jumbled up these days and I'm hoping to sort them out soon... (meaning like this week!) just to be a better friend, better daughter, better sister ... better person. I get caught up easily, and neglect those who really care for me and love me.

There's a couple of days until lent is over. Fasting meat and coffee and dramas - I admit, it's been hard, but I still couldn't give up things like gchat/facebook (i don't think i spend too much time on them these days so i think its okay) but anyway, I've just been wanting to think about the cross these next few days. Was it enough? Yes, it was... Misty Edwards said something like, "I just press on. Say no to shame. Say no to fear." Not the exact quote, but it's been helping me not to dwell on my mistakes, and to just press on, move on ...

Overall, I'm happy and am hoping I'll survive these next few weeks.
April 25th seems far away. But first year of university is almost over.
I was talking with some of the girls from fellowship. First year: exceeded my expectations, because I didn't know what to expect. But I'm definitely happy with my first year, it was a good year... couldn't have asked for more.

--- pictures from grad night ---

happy birthday tom! (+ housemates for next year)

first years and grads

the whole fellowship.

okay now i'll go be miserable and study. hehe kidding.

the s-word

2009-03-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

no not... s***
no not... shingam
hahahah.

selfish.
that's the word.
i know i am selfish, i only think about myself.

but, its hard when life is in your face - your problems seem so magnified you just think your friends are always there. i need to open my eyes, spend more time with them, invest in people who have never left me and show that i love them rather than just saying it.

okay clara? okay.

3 am.

2009-03-17T00:17:00.000-07:00

i'm never writing a paper the day before it is due.

last paper for 1st year. oh man.

i took a nap for 10 minutes and was scared i wouldn't get up in time to finish my essay.
that feeling of waking up from a nap is so terrible when you have to get back to work.

hannah showed me her friend's friend's photography site
i was pretty jealous.

i'm so terrible with money, i haven't managed to save enough up for a dslr.
i had $500... im down to... well, i won't even say.
it just makes me sad. i really need some financial help.

i watched Oliver Stone's Wall Street (1987) and didn't understand a lot of it... especially with stocks and gahhh, i don't get business. haha. i learned about greed and money - it drives you to do things you don't want to do. true say.

back to finishing this history paper.
history won't write itself.

spontanous song iv.

2009-03-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

i don't have to fear anything,
i don't have to fear anything,
cuz your love...
makes it worth it all.

i can so willingly lay everything down at your feet
cuz your love...
makes it worth it all.

this is what we're made for
this is what we're born for
your love...
your love...
your love...

i want to know it more
i want to feel it more
i want to see it more
O God
take this hand to the holy place
where we see you face to face

and behold your love
oh behold your love
behold his love
behold his love
behold his love

shining brighter than any star, than any sun
your love is stronger than anything O God
your love is bigger, is greater
your love your love your love your love
behold his love
behold his love
oh look straight into the eyes of love tonight
oh the flames of love that burn in his eyes

for you ...

oh do you dare do you dare oh do you dare oh do you dare
look into the eyes of love tonight
leaving everything else behind

eyes that burn with the flames of love.
eyes that burn...

do you dare?
will you be bold as a lion?
and go look deep into the eyes of love?
will you leave everything behind to look deep into the eyes of love?
eyes that burn with flames of love...

those flames
are a consuming fire those flames.

they will burn in me,
come and burn in me God
oh come and burn in me...

oh consuming fire.
come burn in me.

-----

kim walker.
so bold.
she's crazy.
this song is crazy.

i can't figure out a way to post the song.
i'll email it out though.
it cuts pretty deep what she sings about.
:)

time is short. time is ticking.

2009-03-07T11:25:00.000-08:00

My friend texted me yesterday letting me know a girl from my high school passed away...

It hit me in a weird way. The girl (Sam) and I weren't really friends, but we mutually knew each other, and I knew some of her friends. When she was diagnosed I think 2 or so years ago, I didn't think much of it. Not meaning to say I'm a terrible person, but because we weren't really friends it didn't affect me too much.

But, at age 18...? what a short life. We sometimes think we'll live forever... even though death is inevitable. I've never thought seriously about death. No one in my family has died. None of my friends have died. It's not real to me...

I thought a lot yesterday.
I thought about the way I use my time... and realized how selfish I am. I complain about things like school, money - such little things! I say I love my family and friends... and yet neglect them. I think God kinda shook me yesterday. Time is not yours Clara... it's mine. Yes, time is in my hands. It doesn't mean I have to live in fear, but thinking about how long I have on this earth... I really can't measure how much time I have left. Who knows...

I should get off this, and stop wasting my timeeeeee.

green tea and vegetables

2009-03-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

this fast (lent) has turned me into a lover of green tea + green tea chillers, and vegetables (well for the vegetables, its still taking some time)

but i remember a while ago i hated green tea.
i hated vegetables.

and now i find myself drinking green tea all the time and eating more vegetables.
i wonder if i could live without coffee/meat for the rest of my life (hehe... that'd be mad hard)

so far this week is much better than the last.
i don't know what happened... er let's just not think about it.

comments? suggestions? like? no like?

latest design for spring retreat t-shirt. (made with some help from isaac)
i wish i did more design classes in high school..
i wish i lived in a city with artsy schools
i wish... :)

untitled.

2009-02-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

life is going just a bit too fast.
i can't catch up.

time is a funny thing.
i always feel like i don't have enough time for anything, how do 24 hours in a day pass by so quickly? sometimes i wish our bodies didn't need sleep just so i can do all the things i have to do without worrying about time.

and the funny thing is my life isn't even that crazy. i just make it seem that way.

Psalm 88:9b I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you.

i wish i could do this everyday. i don't know why things just seem so ... i don't even know how to describe it.

reading week.

2009-02-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

what a crazy week it has been!

being back in class isn't so hot. my body is sore from snowboarding. my neck is in even worse condition [i think i need a neck brace]

as elaine did on her blog, i'll do the same:

friday-sunday: lccf retreat. holler. did we even expect for God to move in the way He did? The Holy Spirit was so thick in the room on Saturday night. I'm excited to see what is to come this year!

sunday-tuesday morning: i bummed at amanda's house. watched basketball, chilled, made a birthday surprise, played rock band and guitar hero, ate, talked. good times. then we went to our old highschool's human rights week assembly: wow!!! that's all i can say, i was happy.

tuesday: snowboarding with jenn, geoff, leonard, hannah. it was fun, i didn't learn to carve very well, kind of.

wednesday: wings night in toronto with lccf. fun :)

thursday: went to a church friend's father's funeral. we were kind of in northern ontario so trying to drive to chicago after the funeral, we failed. we got stuck in a blizzard, since it was the countryside it was just white because the wind was blowing the snow so crazily. we got stuck in a ditch and then eventually got out. i was pretty scared!! but we got out, and drove to chicago.

friday-sunday: on friday we went to wicker park, shopped, hung out, ate some good food. then i went to friday meeting (learned about humility from david weed's testimony, helped me a lot). then we ate at san soo gap san, good korean food.

hung out at sarah little's house. talked. prayed. slept. woke up, ate big breakfast and got ready for boarding. after much waiting and stalling we were on the hills. i had lots of fun talking with new people or people i haven't talked to much before. overall, it was a fun day! great memories, great pictures + videos (aug park. enough said.) and also i learned how to carve! i got it down :)

on sunday, went to service. good message (1 kings - solomon and wisdom). i struggle with going to chicago ubf and having a critical mind because im used to our ministry in waterloo is so different. so, i was humbled and realized i needed to repent. anyway, after service we went to isaac, david and aug's house. so nice! i had fun eating popeyes, and playing apples to apples.

will post pictures soon.
holding onto Isaiah 45:2 right now. my philosophy midterm tomorrow is a mountain... ah...

"I will got before you and will level the mountains…"

fast.

2009-02-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

whole fellowship is fasting... until winter retreat.

so i've decided to fast blogger, gchat, msn, facebook, other sites like failblog, youtube, dramas....

-___- it's going to be a tough week, but a good time to make my heart ready, and realize how i should be giving all that time back to God.

gooooodbyeeee.

Psalm 37:30-31 "The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip."

oops. late

2009-01-30T08:21:00.001-08:00

i was late for work today.
oops.

i've been staying up pretty late these past few days finishing up my paper on the antiwar movement, i like the ways its going so far so hopefully i can finish it soon just so i can get it out of my hair.

during my shift, i realized something about myself. i'm not a very "nice" and "warm" type of person. people don't get the kinda vibe but, that's just the way i am. you know when you meet or talk to a person who is kind of bubbly, or just really friendly, yeah i'm definitely not like that at all. but trying to be more nice and more friendly, it wouldn't really fit with me, so i've come to just try and be okay with the way i am. i know i could do better, i could initiate more conversation, but i think once i become better friends with people that's when i'm more comfortable and can actually be myself. hahah as sarah oh would always tell me, nice people are boring. i hope i'm not boring...

thinking about this summer, ahh -- it'll be a good experience, and at the same time i keep asking myself what am i doing with my life. my answer everyday: i really don't know. i wish i knew.

off to toronto today and tomorrow for outreach. much prayer is needed.
11 months left in 2009. whoaaaa

hi!

2009-01-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

hi :)

i am at work, on break.
i have a history paper, global studies paper, history debate on my mind right now. -__- what to do... i wonder what i would do with my life if i quit school. if i had a better plan in mind than how things are currently going, i'd probably quit.

bad right?

maybe, especially since quitting school hasn't ever crossed my mind until these past few weeks. but i know if i quit i would sorely regret it. education - even though there is an increasingly amount of pressure put on young adults to have higher education, i wish i could just free lance in life without worrying about school and money. i realized these two things are mainly the causes of worrying for me.

but i think it'll be a big mistake to continue worrying and not seeing that my life is going anywhere. despite this sense of being lost and inadequate to do anything... its really not going to help the situation. so, although its been a crazy first month of 2009, i'm hoping things will start to brighten up in february.

Isaiah 7:9b "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all."

a few recent edits:

- found this in my columbus folder. didn't know i had taken this.

- chicago.

i'm hoping tonight won't be a study fail. wheeeeee for history writing a paper on the antiwar movement in the 1960s. why is canada boring.

f a i l (just kidding)

2009-01-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

failblog ... a friend showed me; it basically made my weekend.

watch out. i'll be saying "fail" a lot these days ...

anyway. it was a good weekend because i was able to spend time with my good friends in guelph (sarah and joy) but at the same time i didn't get much work done (-.-) but that's okay, i'll work hard this week, i will!

so, i'm in the middle of reading Deuteronomy (Fridays), Psalms (mornings) and Isaiah (evenings). Sticking to a prayer and Bible reading schedule is difficult, especially when i have a lot of school work piling up.

i tried being cool today (no joke) by going to chapters/starbucks to read. [fail] because on sundays i guess parents, grandparents, and children like to go to chapters+starbucks and be loud while people like me are trying to get some reading done. i'm reading Carl Oglesby's:

it's for my Problems in US History class. this class is so interesting, but the workload can be intense. I have to read this book for a paper due next week, while preparing for a debate against the vietnam war for next week as well. anyway, the antiwar movement during the '60s is becoming more interesting to me. i'm used to reading lots on the civil rights movement, mlk jr when it comes to us history, so a change of subject (even though they somewhat relate) i am finding enjoyable. hopefully i'll finish this book soon.

pictures from guelph:

(isn't the cupcake so cute? i think it is)

i hope this is a good and productive week. february is coming... wow.

the power of prayer

2009-01-22T09:14:00.000-08:00

So this week was a bit different than the first two weeks of January, because I actually took the time to read the Bible and spend time in prayer. I don't know why, but prayer and reading the Bible has always been a struggle. At one point a few years ago I just didn't want to do it. I had no reason, I just didn't feel like it.

Deciding to get my life organized included a prayer schedule. It's kinda cool; hehe, on onenote I have a section for prayer topics divided for different days. I think its more effective for a person like me, because once I get my own system/way of doing things I actually do it. Being able to pray freely during the time I would usually go online, facebook, gmail whatever, i find that I'm using my time for something that's really worth all the free time I have. Haha, but that's pretty idealistic, it's a start... at least 1hr a day isn't much that God is asking from me.

I'm really trying not to worry about school, especially since february will be... almost like death. I can't even fit all the things I have to do next month into my brain.

Going to end times study+small group tonight yay. (i want to play bohnanza...)
Going to Guelph this weekend, yay.
Hoping to feel better soon (hate being sick, makes me not want to do anything)

... i'm tempted to start another blog, a photography one. we'll see
i did this during class today hehe

both taken in chicago =) excited to visit during reading week yahhhhh

"there is no fear in love" - 1john4:18
-clara

to do list for this week

2009-01-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

I remember a long time ago, almost 7 years ago I really got into html because I had asianavenue and was obsessed with making my page 'cool'. Now that I'm starting to like blogging, I attempt making my blog 'cool' hahah I don't know if its working, but I'm trying to make it simple, ah... I wish I knew more.

Anyway, this past weekend I actually caught up (somewhat) with school and some other things. It's already the 2nd last week of January. Unreal. Time is a funny thing.

A few things I need to do this week:
+ catch up in school (i.e READINGS!)
+ figure out budgeting (biggest weakness)
+ clear up a parking ticket
+ pray: keep my daily schedule + read the Bible (at least 1 hour/day, if possible, work towards more)
+ see friends i haven't seen for a while
+ clean my room
+ advertise house for sublet (much prayer needed)

NOW that the Korean kids are back in Korea, and the Grondin's are off to Japan as missionaries =(... I'm hoping things will start falling into place. My life just seems so messy, I don't know why. No motivation? No drive? Yeah, especially for school.

the kids... ahha i miss them

grondin family; will miss them too: JAPAN!!

[side note: please pray for a church friend's father, cancer has spread and he is in need of prayer. Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?

"There is no fear in love" 1 John 4:18
-clara

bored at school

2009-01-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

I should be doing my readings.
I should be preparing for my classes.
I should be ready for school.
I should be more organized.
I should get my life together.

Yeah, there's a lot of things I should be doing :)

This semester is a bit strange, because I have 3 classes in one class (all day Tuesday from 10-11:30, 1:00-2:20, 2:30-4:30) so I get sick of that room. It's dim and dirty, people don't know how to throw away garbage. I don't know how I'm liking my classes so far, I'm taking Sociology (Analysis on Social Issues), Philosophy (Knowledge and Reality), Political Science (Structures and Government), Global Studies (A Case Study: Latin America), and the full-year course History (Problems in US History). Eh... they're going okay. It's the second week only... I'm looking forward to summer (I'm really not liking winter, snow, cold... ew)

I'm thankful for the UNITY girls' small group we have at church. It's something new (starting last fall) because I never tried to have relationships with people at church because of co-op at UW, I saw that students just came and left. So I saw no point in putting effort into getting to know someone, when I thought they would just leave after a few months. But so far this small group for the few months has been slowly growing on to me. We talked about the first and greatest commandment yesterday: loving God and loving others (Matthew 22:37-38; 1 John 4). It was a good talk, we watched parts of Misty's message (which btw was really pivotal for me at Onething:This is the onething conference video archive. Watch Misty! The video is on Tues, Dec 30, I really recommend this message to everyone, it was so good. Things just clicked, life seemed to make more sense, I don't see everything as so meaningless anymore.) Anyway, so Unity is going well... church is going... (better, I'm starting to see why God has placed me in UBF and that if I pledge allegiance to Him, then resisting against my purpose doesn't seem as necessary anymore).

I miss my friends (a lot). But it's okay, God has blessed me with good friends here and outside of school so I'm struggling to not be so reliant on friends (even though they're really important, I need to seriously prioritize my life).

Also, I need to get my life together (in terms of school... I feel like I'm just going to class and have no idea of what the heck I'm doing, also with money... I have no conception of how to save. Those are just some practical things... OH and housing situation -______- ;;.... stress.... I'm praying God will provide the besttttt place. Patience. Wisdom. stay calm.

there is no fear in love, --clara

winter break was amazing, so i'm looking forward to spring/summer break. hahah i think i'm the kind of person who lives off of looking foward to things. I should just look foward to Jesus' coming.. heehee but i still like having breaks being away from school and here hahahha.

it's a new year. it's a new life.

2009-01-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

winter break went by too fast. i'm still trying to swallow and digest everything that happened. but wow... it's crazy how timing works out. God really plans out everything for a reason, and me going to onething was not a mistake.

after being to so many conferences, i wasn't really sure what i was expecting from the ihop conference. i guess i was hoping just for something different because i've been to so many ubf retreats and conferences. but basically these are some things i learned from the conference off the top of my head:

- Christianity 101 has become lost (a life of prayer, fasting and reading the Word ~eating the scroll) so, i really need to focus on and commit to going back to the basics

- my understanding of who God is... was sooo small (God is so much bigger than i ever imagined) and He really planned everything out so perfectly from every event in history to everything going on today

- i really repented for getting sucked into a humanistic mentality. my life has been full of compromises, i felt really convicted by lou's message, how the Nazarite spirit and John the Baptist spirit is so important in this age, as this generation is drunk with entertainment and pleasures. (i am going to struggle with this sooooo much this year)

- Jesus is my bridegroom. my heart has been split in two for all my life... i tried giving half to this world/people and half to God. (Misty's message reallllly spoke to me. God really used her to bless me at the conference. She is cool.)

- Life isn't meaningless, because everything we do transcends into the next life... and as a Christian, I am called to prepare the way for Jesus' second coming. (this is something i never thought about, and began to think that everything is meaningless if we just die eventually and float off to heaven) ... i had a very shallow understanding of God's kingdom, which will actually come to Earth after Jesus' second coming. So it is time to be a John the Baptist generation and prepare the way!

So. I made a pretty big decision at the conference. It's something that's going to REALLY challenge me daily for the next ten years or so. This is God's grace, I'm so blessed to be called by God to struggle before Him in humility at age 18. Uhm... there's a lot in my head and heart still, also in my notebook on thoughts and questions from the conference. Overall, I'm really thankful i was able to go. I was encouraged by my sisters i got to see and pray with, and that my family/church were able to attend together.

It's not only a new year, but it's a new life.

(i love editing my pictures from california. i edited these on the way to KC)

off to kansas city

2008-12-27T06:53:00.000-08:00

im off to kansas city in a few hours
well be driving the whole day and night... oh my gus. but i have some dramas and books that should make time pass... im going to finish Twilight, Irresistible Revolution and start a book by Max Lucado

this week went by so fast its so crazy... we just got back from toledo on monday night then... bam tuesday-friday zoomed by. i went snowboarding yesterday for the first time... ive found a new hobby i would like to pursue. it was mad fun -- but my butt, tailbone... actually my whole body is in pain right now but it was worth it

im not exactly sure what to expect from onething... but im sure theres something i can get from it as long as i keep my heart open. there was a part of me deciding whether i wanted to go to ydc and onething... but thats 2 conferences back to back... so i had to choose one.

being in toledo was good times. a laughed a lot and just everything that happened this past semester was kind of able to be forgotten... or at least put on hold. thats what usually happens, when we end up hanging out everything in life is still there but at the same time i just forget about it because were having such a good time. im not the kind of person who has to always be doing something but just the usual games, bowling, hanging out is enough for me. without these friends my life would be so different, and im so thankful to God that were able to still be close despite changes in our lives.

ahhh the new year is coming!!!

2008 is almost over

2008-12-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

i officially fail at blogging.

maybe in 2009 i'll improve.

there's a few things i want to do in the upcoming year... only God knows if they'll actually happen or not, and i realized that i can hope for a lot of things, but in the end it doesn't matter what i want... there's more to life than that.

1. get a tattoo - i'm thinking agape in greek - ἀγάπη - that'd be a sick tattoo)

2. go to thailand or vietnam - i've read and heard stories of the slums in these two beautiful countries, its tragic how sex trafficking is such a big industry in countries like these. i don't want to go "volunteer" but i just want to see with my own eyes a country and people other than just korea/koreans

3. snowboarding at least once

4. bungee jumping

5. during spring break... go to one of those travel agencies and look at the cheapest flight and just go

6. read more... way more than i did this year (the Bible, Christian books, and other good books)

7. learn to trust God with school... money... housing... life... direction...

8. be more open to talking to people in classes - kick out the anti-social in me

9. spend less money on food - eating out adds up like crazy... i need a practical plan for next semester for real

10. i will add more to this list...

the year is almost over. i hope the year ends well, don't really know what to expect right now. putting hope in something that you're not sure of is kind of hard. but i guess rather than being doubtful, i should be thankful at least for how this year has gone by. 2008 was full of eye-opening situations, conversations, encounters. i can't remember in 2007 what i had expected/hoped for the year, but overall i am thankful that i didn't mess up my first year in university and that God provides (in terms of friends, support, financial costs). even when i did qt in the mornings, i'd usually read a passage that was so relevant to my life that it was only God who could have led me to read whatever it was.

so as 2009 is just around the corner... i'm praying that the year will just end well. no drama. no arguments. no distractions.

btw... do the positives of snow outweigh the negatives? boo... snow...

Promises

2008-12-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

As much as I hope to do well in school.. in life.. whatever, I realized that there's so much more to life than my own successes. I find that a lot of people... even Christians talk get consumed by SCHOOL when of course I admit school is important, but isn't there more? At fellowship a few nights ago, we had sharing - so people voluntarily shared whatever was on their hearts. Many talked about school ... and how they trusted God... and their grades were good...

I don't know, maybe school was never a big struggle for me. I'm not the smartest person I know, but I work hard and hope that it'll pay off. But also, when I think about how I spend my time, I've given up a lot of things... like tv, shopping and so... what do I do with my time? Mostly studying, working, spend time with friends/family, fellowship or church. I'm still not sure of the promises which God has planned for me, but I'm holding onto hope... that He is faithful and is leading me in the best direction.

My first final tomorrow :) yay... heh
I want to praise God though, for being faithful in my first semester. The majority of it has been good... fun... I like the people I've met and become friends with. I just wonder what next semester will be like! I'm excited to attend onething at the end of this month, it should be pretty sweet.

friends

2008-12-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a person who can't complain about the people I have in my life, especially my friends.
Not having friends has never been a problem for me, so it's easy to take them for granted since they're always there.

A friend asked me the other day to stop saying I didn't know him because I guess when I talk I sometimes imply that people I know for a few months.. I don't know very well. I didn't mean to make him feel like a stranger, nor anyone else I've met at school these past few months, especially those from fellowship.

My sister and I struggled a lot and got stressed about friends... even though we both are so blessed with amazing ones in our lives. Whether they're in UBF, from school or wherever, I can list friends in my life who have stuck by me and been there for me through everything.

I can't believe my first semester in university is coming to an end...
it's been an interesting year so far.
God has been faithful, as always. I'm looking forward to winter break -- can't wait to see all my really good friends, yayyyy

I should get back to studying... here come finals. Whoo hoo!

Why.

2008-10-27T21:20:00.001-07:00

Why I'm a Christian.

Because:
1. I've messed up pretty bad in the past, and realized on my own, I harm myself due to my sins.

2. Seeking human love and comfort has also brought a lot of pain and hurt into my life.

3. There's always a deep part of me that feels unsatisfied even when I try to fill it with materials and people. It always failed. But God didn't.

4. God just does not make sense when we think about His love, and what Jesus did.

5. Grace convicted me.

6. Jesus showed me His heart for people. He stepped down the level of the lowest... He loved them, did not condemn them. We don't throw stones at sinners because Jesus was the one who took our punishment, what we deserve is death - yet Jesus gives us life.

7. The Holy Spirit really broke me this summer, I was not ready to let go of my idols, but out of love, they were destroyed. It hurt, but I know it was all done for a reason.

8. I can't go back to living the way I used to (I know I'm still not perfect, but as I come before God everyday, living for Him because an integrated aspect of life that is an obvious struggle, but really gives me peace and joy).

9. I do not want to be miserable. True joy comes when I am free through God's love.

10. The Word of God penetrates my heart. Every time I read in the morning, or whenever, His perfect words are just what I need.

11. God is so personal. His Word is so personal. His love is so personal. His Son is so personal. His Spirit is so personal. There's nothing like that in this world.

The list could go on.
This is what has been on my heart for the past few weeks.

why am i a Christian?

2008-10-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

something i'm going to think about this week... why am i a christian?

in our small group meeting last night, we talked about some challenging questions that christians and non-christians ask on things like:

- other faiths
- how is our faith "the one"
- predestination

and yeah, it was a good talk.
so this week... my challenge is to spend time with my brother. i don't intentionally want to be mean to him, but he's going through that annoying juniorhigh + pre-teen stage so its annoying. but i'm going to struggle with this... haha

i'm at work now. i love free food... and at the same time, hate it. well at least i can save some money while trying to earn it at the same time :)

thanksgiving, yayyy
studying, nooooo

keep going.

2008-10-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

i'll start writing this 500 word essay in a few minutes. it's due tomorrow, so no biggie :)

dude... it's been a crazy month. how did october come so fast?
seriously, God has been so amazing and is the only reason i've survived the first month of school. i'm not all that enthusiastic about university but i'm grateful for God because He's moving and helping me through it all.

i honestly struggled a lot, especially the first few weeks. i missed my best friends so much, because we've been together since gr 5 and 8... it's been hard without them. but, God knows me and has led me to some really cool people at laurier. so i'm thankful for that

i think that these next few months are just going to be full of more challenges and struggles that will just draw me closer to God... especially with school, work and other commitments it seems like i have no time when each week comes to an end. but there's a reason God's given us 24-hours in a day, so i need to use my time wisely haha... i think i've been alright with time-management. i just need to keep in mind eating healthy and exercising will help a lot especially since school can be pretty hectic. so, i'll keep going, because i know God's just waiting to do amazing things.

philipians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion the day of Christ Jesus."

hungry

2008-09-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

When you get to know God at a whole new level, there's an overflow of love, blessing and grace to the extent we become more and more hungry for Him.

It's a bit hard to summarize all of today, it was overwhelming but in a good way. When we're hungry for God, He'll fill us with His spirit, His love, His blessing. Just a few things I was blessed through:

- when you open up to embrace the Holy Spirit... you experience God in a whole new way
- we can't ignore the trinity... God = Jesus = Holy Spirit, so we need an equal balance because although there are three... they're still one
- how intimate we are with God is a reflection of our hunger for Him and our desire to know Him more (for me, I'm doing this through prayer and reading His word... today I learned about "Eating the Word" ... more on that later)
- there's an endless pit, well - whatever you want to call it - in our hearts, and we try to fill that with this world, relationships, materials etc. I've tried... and I'd never be full, I'd always be hungry and sometimes to the point of starving for something. Only God, Jesus, the Spirit can fill that, nothing else because it all fades... when God doesn't
- hearing God's voice is essential to develop a more personal relationship with Him (1 Samuel 3), otherwise when He speaks to us, we won't recognize His voice

I still have to pray and meditate on a lot of things I wrote down, it was a lot to take in.
Hunger is something we all experience, when we become hungry for God, it's more than just a physical hunger like when we want to eat. It's a hunger that hurts because its challenging, but it's a hunger that will be filled by God's love, Jesus' grace and the Spirit's life.

This week has been crazy... I need to just relax and catch up on sleep but I can't! Another week is coming up, and readings are piling up, oh joy :)

how appropriate.

2008-08-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

I had the interview today, it went well... at least I thought it did.

I read a devotional today based on Colossians 3:23-24

"Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Even though I didn't think I'd be working in food again, I guess a coffee+food place on campus shouldn't be so bad. I should be thankful that God provided me with a job in a pretty short period of time considering I've only been out of work for a few weeks. So, hopefully I get the job, I think she was implying that I had the job basically... but I'm not 100% sure.

So I'll update a blog on this summer+california later on... way too many pictures. I should scrapblog maybe... it's time consuming though.

University life begins... very soon. I honestly am not too sure what to expect, I don't think I'll have friends... heh we'll see. Alright... Hillsong conference tonight and tomorrow - hope it goes well

p.s i miss california ...

goodbye gylc

2008-07-10T15:31:00.001-07:00

hey, so gylc is over.
bittersweet - if one word could describe today.

hm... well overall the conference was very fulfilling. it was worth it. i thought i was regretting coming, at the beginning i was honestly thinking in my head.. "oh my. i could have gone to korea and seen friends and family... what is this .." ahhaha but God had a different plan in mind.

First of all I was able to have an amazing time in maryland with the brogis and all the hbfers there, im looking forward to purdue :) :) and then gylc was just amazing. the program helped me learn more about the issues i want to fight for, but first... i have to get an education. cuz you cant go anywhere without a degree basically nowadays haha. and so.. yeah basically everyone in my group knew i was an advocate for human rights. i usually gave a lot of imput to the discussions if it involved human rights related issues. also when we were doing the un general assembly simulation, i was in the human rights comission and really fought to amend a resolution to address and attempt to eradicate genocide. me and my two group members from the costa rica group basically fought to the death haha... oh my, so i said this mini speech at the UN headquarters in front of everyone, in support of the Genocide Resolution:

"It is essential that we as a global community take steps forward to try and eradicate genocide. We cannot be inatimate and most certainly not be taking steps backwards. We have a portion of the resolution dedicated to intervention, as the Responsibility to Protect doctrine is encouraged to be recognized and signed by all countries. This doctrine was created after the Rwandan genocide, to prevent future genocides and yet we still face genocides to this day. I encourage this resolution to inolve the participation of all the countries here today. Some countries may not believe genocide directly affects them, but we as a human race, are affected by genocide as it is the outright violation of human rights: for the right to live. I strongly urge you to vote for the passing of this resolution. Thank you."

Haha, who knows, maybe someday I'll speak at the UN ... maybe not, maybe moreso for an NGO like IJM or something. So yeah, also the conference had a lot of good guest speakers, the founder and president of an NGO: FORGE (helps refugees), also a representative from the UN (she was really good), a guy from the Genocide Intervention Network - STAND (i really liked his talk) and many more...

so yeah, gylc was amazing, cant say anything other than that. it was so good to meet people with similar interests, or different passions for specific things, i learned i need to be more open minded to other dimensions of global issues (trade, politics... even though i don really understand) also, it was so cool to meet possible global leaders for the future. there were some people that i met, that i KNOW will go far and not give up on making this world a better place. i would often want to lose hope in people, and would condemn rather than be optimistic. but this conference gave me hope, especially from one of the speakers who said, if you FOCUS on a long term sustainable solution, have VISION, and be ready for a long journey of struggles, and also to have a TEAM... then you can be a leader (like her.. she started FORGE). so yeah, ive just been inspired and im driven and open to God using me to show his people his love, and that he is a God that hasn't given up on humanity, so neither will i :)

i'll post pictures on facebook someday. theres over 1000... yikes. hahah now im in new york... going to be spending a few days here, then ill be heading back home. oh canada :)

4th of july

2008-07-05T04:35:00.000-07:00

was yesterday i know.

i as tired to post, so i will quickly this morning before i leave for philly and new york.
uhm, yesterday we walked around the national mall all day basically. it was hot.. and ye.. it was alright

then at night we had a party upstairs in this huge ballroom, had snacks and drinks, watched some fireworks but they kinda sucked cuz of clouds.. but the best part of the night was the dance party!! it was so fun, ahahha dancing brings everyone together. it was seriously crazy, zzing.

k i should go. byeee

culture

2008-07-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

hey.

so today was good, i enjoyed the evening program.

in the morning we had a panel on nuclear proliferation uh... i didnt really understand so yeah, the girls i was sitting with we kind of doodled and yeah. but a lot of people were asking questions - i like doing more so human rights related things, but i guess i should learn to be open minded :)

so after that we prepped for our UN Security Council simulation, which was based on the Spratly Islands crisis - basically different claims on islands in the South China Sea with oil and resources. That went alright, but again, I don't know so much about trade... so yeah

but then in the evening after dinner, we had a cultural exchange. in my group there are people from south africa, new zealand, costa rica, argentina, spain, france, uae, pakistan, india, indonesia, usa, jordan yeah everywhere its so cool. so we did cultural exchange with everyone bringing things from their countires and explaining what its like and yeah, it was fun. ill try to post pictures next time im just getting tired and want to sleep.

tomorrow: national mall, holocaust museum, and the fourth of july! :)

i will start

2008-07-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

i found it hard to be dedicated to reading the Bible if i dont have something to keep me on track and keep me accountable, so... when i went to the UBF website, i found tha daily bread is just starting Acts, perfect timing.

so... i will start.
dont be lazy.

hahha so today at gylc it was a really good day, i met new ppl and got to get closer with some of the ppl in my group. i was a big "dodgy" at first for the whole conference cuz.. im the kind of person that takes time to make friends (but being around some british, new zealanders, south africans etc) ive had such a good day, i wont lie. so yeah i was inspired by a genocide intervention network + STAND workshop i attended, cuz it was all related to things i knew off the back of my hand and was really a topic that i am passionate for. so it was great to have that.

we were in georgetown today for a few hours, got chipotle, and went shopping with people but i resisted, didnt buy anything. good jarb clara :) so yeah i hung out with some british girls, then i hung out with new zealanders and a guy from pakistan and also had a WTO simulation today (which was hard cuz im reallllly not into economics) uh.. then we had a reallly fun trivia thing, all the team countries against each other so it was crazy.. so rowdy and ye... it was so fun.

so yeah, im actually trying to enjoy this experience, tomorrows day 4. i dont want to regret coming to this conference i actually am having a better time than the first two days, and my group i actually do like the people are pretty sweet. we have ppl from new zealand, south africa, usa, india, uae, france, argentina, uk.. ye everywhere. i feel like im even picking up accents from everywhere!!

oh gus, im tired and i have another long day ahead of me tomorrow.

disappointment

2008-06-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

you can always be disappointed in people somehow. that sounds pretty pessimisstic i know.

but you can never be disappointed in God i find if you take time to think about it.

i'm at gylc (global young leaders conference) and all the people here are supposed to be great students, with great leadership skills... yet i still feel like its a high school environment (where the same races stick together, the cool people stick together...) so then there's me. :) hahaha I FEEL LIKE IM BACK AT SCHOOL except its just without somi and amanda.. and mr.pavey.

anyways, prayer, and reading the Bible (if i can just commit to doing this, God will bless me at this conference no matter how im feeling about it now) I JUST... dont want to waste like $3000 so i better start enjoying it. ahha

off to a meeting, im so hectic and stressed -______-

the deed is done.

2008-03-05T13:36:00.000-08:00

Wow. So after about 4 months of crazy planning, stress and no sleep, Human Rights Week pulled through and was amazing.

I guess, in short, the people who weren't supportive, seem minimal to the amount of support, and awareness we did raise within our student body and the community.
It's crazy how a few high school students can get together and pull off an event such as this one. I am slowly recovering from the months and months of planning, but it was all worth it. It was worth it, even if ONE person came to realize the importance of being aware of human rights issues and taking the time to no more and do something small. I'd see students walk by our merchandise and they'd throw down 5,10,20 dollar bills, or people read our information booths and sign the petition for Darfur. It's small things like those... that kept my going.

At the beginning of the week, during our assembly I was so tired from coming back from Champaign the morning of at 4am, and so when some students were laughing during the guest speaker's specch, it kinda hit me. Not everyone will care. But that's reality, and I guess I needed it. Not to say there's no room for optimism, but I guess being too idealistic can be dangerous.

Anyway, in one week, we raised over $1200, to give to three organizations, based on the 3 main issues we were covering, received over 700 signatures for the petition for Darfur, sold like... over 200 bracelets, and 120 of them are being sent to an orphanage in India. The deed is done, and there's still much to do. Raising awareness I guess is the first part, but taking action and looking at your life, seeing what you can do... is the hardest part. It's not just about going to Africa, South America, Asia or India... to see the atrocities people go through, but it'd evaluating your life... and making changes. So, I guess I'm struggling with that right now...

So February was a good month. U of I was fun (also I learned/realized so much.. I'll post later) and Human Rights Week went amazing. Gah.. I'll post more later on a speaker/woman I met from Sudan, who seriously... is one of the most amazing people I have met in my life.
More on that later, I gotstowork.

Love Liberates

2008-02-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

Loves liberates.
True love does.

I'm reading The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho. I'm learning so much about Elijah, maybe after finishing this book I should read Kings ... that's where Elijah is ?

"This was freedom: to feel what the heart desired, with no thought to the opinion of the rest. She had fought with her neighbors and her friends about the stranger's presence in her house; there was no need to fight against herself. . . She was free, for love liberates."

This excerpt may have had a slight romantic connotation attached to it, however, I still like it. Love = Freedom.

I need to learn how to love,
God, what is love?

- clara

FREE

2008-02-02T13:46:00.000-08:00

The price of you and I
cannot be labeled on a price tag
your life over mine,
my life over yours
there mustn’t be such a thing.
I am not free
unless my neighbor is no longer bound
there is no freedom
when my neighbor is a slave
if one soul is enslaved,
we are all bound together.
Together as one.
One beginning,
one end,
one race:
the free human race.

Forgive.

2008-01-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

Colossians 3:12-17

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I've been having some struggles with forgiveness, and as I opened my Bible before going to school today, this passage was the first page I turned to. "Bear with each other and forgive..." it's funny sometimes in what ways God works and speaks to you.

It's a new year, and as usual at the beginning of it everyone wants a fresh start... a new beginning... with finishing up high school and starting college, I'm sure it will be a good year.
I'm praying to hold onto Galations 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firms, then, and do not let yourselves be bound again by a yoke of slavery." I don't feel like writing too much... so I won't but I'm praying a lot for this year, this verse, and upcoming decisions and what not that are awaiting me... let's just hope things go well... that I don't mess up, and that I can be free and not bound to the endless list of sins which I don't think I'll post.

:) I miss the winter break...

Long time no post.

2007-12-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

I have no desire to post anymore...

But I just wanted to write :)
... only 2 days left of school, then hello winterbreak.

I'm so tempted to just slack in school right now. Tempting...

THANK-YOU:
- God (I did not expect such an early offer from one of the universities I applied to. God is good.)
- Family and Friends :)

I should probably just give these last 2 things I've got for school everything I've got, even thought I'm pretty much burned out.

2007 was an interesting year. I'll write more on an overview of my year later. Peace.

Jesus Culture!

2007-11-18T17:12:00.000-08:00

I'll just write this before I finish up my case review for Law class... 2 pages to go, haha it seems so close but... far!

Anyway, I've been listening to Jesus Culture a lot lately. So good. That's all I can honestly say...

I mean they don't write their own songs, they're all covers, but just watching their videos - esepecially Kim Walker, I really admire her passion, her fire and her adoration for God, she just gives it all when worshipping God. So, I'm trying these day, not to just "over-ratedly" worship God, but really... WORSHIP GOD. Yeah... I really like a few lines from some songs they've done such as:

- if grace is an ocean, we're all drowning

- die on the cross with Him

I should go do some work now... bye!

freedom comes when...

2007-11-12T23:42:00.001-08:00

i can't sleep.

so i'll write :)
i was listening to a song yesterday by Clazziquai
it's not a Christian song per se, but i like the one line "freedom comes when you learn to let go"

I have a hard time of letting go of things -- whether it be coke bottles, tags from clothes, recepits... uhm the list goes on (if you've been to my room, you'd understand) or... somewhat painful/hurtful memories. Also, just holding onto this world in general, limits the true freedom God gives us. The way I see it is, until we can let go of our unnecessary desires and plans that want to include God, but in the end don't, is when we can truly be free. I mean, freedom in itself has many different meanings, depending on one's beliefs and understanding of what it is. But how can you be completely FREE when you're a slave to this world, people or yourself? (consumerism, pride, expectations, money, careers.... the list goes on)

So I don't have a profound point here, however, I think i've just gone on too far being unaware I may have been saved and forgiven from my sins, but if i can't presently live in the freedom God has given me... i might as well not be living. Of course there are things in life that are fun, temporarily satisfying and so we have a nearsighted view of life. I hope I can live according to God's plan, not justifying my plans as I try to incorporate God into them... because then he isn't the top priority. alright I should go to sleep... wow procrastination is a funny thing

Love Your Neighbor.

2007-11-05T20:20:00.000-08:00

Love your neighbor... who exactly is my neighbor?

Today, with the Christian Fellowship at my school, we volunteered at Oasis - which is a drop-in center for either the homeless or those simply in need. It provides a meal, clothing, food items and other facilities. It's a non-governmental organization with Christian values, and... essentially, they receieve little to no funding from the government. Basically, all they run on is donations, and of course the love of God.

It was an interesting experience, to have converations with strangers, who surprisingly weren't that different from me. I have to admit, I was taken aback, considering some of the deep and thoughftul conversations I had with some of them. Because these days, it's hard to just have a good conversation with someone, which excludes discussion on pop-culture and media-influences. I had a good talk about politics and globalization and also another conversation discussing some problems with the church and the general social view of looking down on homeless people, or people who utilize such drop-in centers. Anyway, it was good to be revealed to such things in the community, considering its so close to home. I hope it was a rewarding and eye-opening experience for the other volunteers...

It's funny, a guy today said something like "If Jesus was present in this age... where would he be?" I thought about it... and replied, "Here." Jesus would most likely be helping the poor and needy, for he was not concerned in receiving approval from the Pharisees and Jewish leaders. I'm not saying, okay all Christians HAVE to go and help the poor, but if you think about it, we barely do anything to help our NEIGHBORS. (our neighbors aren't just the selected individuals we choose and call our friends and family... right??)

Alright. Last point: in class, we discussed being aids to other nations in need. Some girl commented to the topic and what she said disturbed me. "We should just help countries that will benefit us. Why should we help those who cannot help us?" What kind of an absurd remark is this? Are you human? Do you have any moral conscience whatsoever? Or is this world really dog-eat-dog, or every man for himself? If so... I beg to question the meaning of human existence. AH! I'm not the most selfless person to exist on this planet, I know I'm not. But to dismiss helping other countries and nations , and essentialy fellow human beings, I really cannot understand. Before I become even more annoyed and frustrated, I'm going to go finish reading my law case... of course, on the issues of racial classification and discrimination. Oh the injustices of this world... I need not say no more.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself. - Luke 10:27

backyard

2007-10-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

These pictures don't look like they've been taken this season... but they have, in my backyard actually.

I was surprised to see the flowers still alive, because these days its been extremely cold.

I should go get some shots of the red and orange leaves, soon!

I'm clearly avoiding reading my law case... I'll do it soon, I think?

- clara

why can't i be like them?

2007-10-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, at our Friday meeting we watched a documentary about six highschool and college students who went to Vietnam to "smuggle Bibles". It was a really good documentary, after watching it, I couldn't really explain how much I liked it and how much it spoke to me, but I definately recommend it. It's called Underground Reality: Vietnam

See what happens when eight ordinary teens set out on a mission to meet the underground church in Vietnam. Travel with The Voice of the Martyrs and a group of American and Australian teenagers as they journey through cities and jungles in order to witness the everyday life of the Vietnamese underground church.

Anyway, the general essence that I got from the movie was that the underground church in Vietnam is so powerful, despite the Communist government and the dangers of having Christian faith, people still are so active and energetic for God. What I was discussing with some friends about this whole idea was that in North America (the Western world) we boast about our freedoms... and that we have freedom of speech and the freedom to have a certain faith, however, it still seems like we're limited, due to thar freedom. Is this not right in some ways? We wake up everyday not having to worry about poverty, starvation or war, and yet we worry about what we're going to wear, what people are going to think of us and basically how we will survive in this shallow-appearance-based society. Ah. Frustrating. And even though I want to depart myself from this world I still find myself being sucked in. It's crazy. But I'm praying these days, as our Chrsitian Club is going fairly well and trying not to stress about school and university applications, that I can do one thing: please and serve God.

In the documentary, there was one segment that showed four of the teens going to a small village where over 200 people gathered and were praising and thanking God with all that they had. They were most likely poor and suffering due to fear of the government and persecution, and yet they still met, knowing there was a chance of getting caught. We can't get in trouble here for worshipping God, but we still don't give Him our all... I think I should watch the documentary again, thoroughly this time. It was really touching to see how the Vietnamese Christnas were so passionate and so happy to meet other Christians from America. Even hearing stories of people going on mission trips to Latin America or Africa, it's amazing how God does work in those who go to help and those who need it. I have yet to go on a mission trip, but I really hope some day I can plan a project similar to this one. Maybe... North Korea? Haha, it sounds scary but if they could do it, only with God, I think He could work something out.

One interesting thing that a guy said after seeing the Vietnamese people gather and were prasing God so energetically, he said "why can't I be like them?" He was really troubled that back in America he had been raised in a Christian home, and yet he said that it's hard getting up in the mornings for church. He was really touched by their spirit and passion for God, which was pretty cool to witness.

Alright, I should get going... lots of homework to do. I'm reallllllly trying not to stress these days, but my grades aren't that fantastic, not as great as I had hoped for first term. But TRUST and... if I work hard, I think everything will work out alright.

i)everyone goes around on motorbikes - that's partially how they smuggled the Bibles - it was pretty cool.

ii) Vietnam looks soo pretty~

OKAY - i'm out.

happy! birthday! sarah!

2007-10-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

LOVE.

happy birthday to my dear friend sarah oh.

hope you've had a nice day :)

understand.

2007-10-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

I think we try to understand and comprehend too much.

I don't want to be clueless and oblivious, so I guess that's where faith and trust come in right?

Yeah... sometimes there's some things we're just not supposed to understand, or simply cannot.

made this a few days ago... its kind of ugly. i don't have anymore creative ideas for Photoshop. my mind is deterring right now from studying law, sociology and soon world issies. AH!